Thursday, November 29, 2007

land as lover, conscious trip generation, meditation for organizations, for social organisms

[This was written on 11/29 and not posted until 12/2. Note: I did go to the SANDAG meeting.]


Tn could-

You are a great man.

a great node.

Total disengagement.


A conflict has been that I could go to SANDAG (San Diego Association of Governments) tomorrow morning at 9 and be of some help to Duncan McFetridge in getting speaking time before whoever it is that decides, I guess.

It seems I would rather let this go.

It is good to have had the opportunity to consider this,

and it would be good to have let it go.

Instead, I may go across the highway again.


Julie told me about this.

. . . maybe only because I thanked her for passing on McFetridge's response to the regional transportation plan EIR.


In the past few days some of this has been going on:

I realized I'm not going to renounce. At least not voluntarily. And neither will many others.

I realized life is not about renunciation.

So if I will not renounce, what will I do?

I thought I might work on land trusts. I looked into that.

Trolley driving.

Then eventually got to urban planning.

And it comes to Friday: go or not.

And it comes to vision of life.



My vision is: of larger forces, not of individuals.

My vision is: of change that is forced, of nodes that bob.

I got this node into a persona of acting on transportation concerns. Julie now encourages that.

Once she is my dream.

Now tn was unmoved.

Something else.



My vision is all of space, none of time.

Space (time) is gradient of awareness.



practicing dissociation

enabling engagement.


I hear sound! God, I hear sound!

I see texture!

I sense, I sense having a body.


Not greeting with eyes or words the walkers, I walk, focused on the sparkling, slipping water in the ditch.

For which, I am--someone--thankful to--they put it there.


Comfortable with renunciation, I can wait until all falls away.

I do not go to meetings.

Nor send emails.

Nor travel with attention.

I am more and more brought back to this place, this dead end,

where the tide, aimless motivation, receded, left this node.


There are places nearby,

By being in them,

I enliven them.

By being in them,



This node. Moving in space.

Field moving around this node.

Draw occurs--"The sidewalk is over there."

The helpful driver points out.


"Let's go check that out."

"Check what out?"

Still. They go by.




We do not need to fight.

It's all good.

Everything is perfect as it is.

And incomplete.

Land trusts took me to Borsodi took me to soilandhealth took me to Wallace Wattles _How To Be A Genius or The Science of Being Great_.


Breathe in the exhaust fumes from the trucks from the two strokes.

We don't need to fight.

It's all good.

Everything is perfect as it is.

And incomplete.

You are a great man.


I am a god among gods.


So. No trip generation.

I stay here.

Even if leaving could enable fundamental design change in San Diego County's regional transportation plan,

Reducing the trips taken by others million fold.



There is something else that wants care. That only I can give it.

Only I can be here.

Only I can bring awareness to where I am.

Only I can be in this space and know:

God, I can see!

I can feel.



This does nothing for you.

Stop moving, You other nodes.


Stop trying to make me move.

I shall be a hero like Maharshi, who let life happen to him.

Like Mellville's Bartleby.

not just like.


Be in the place where you are.

Nothing needs to be done.

Everything is perfect as it is,

and incomplete.


We are gods becoming god-like.


The insight is:

Land as lover.

No one's caring for just this space.

For just this space--

The space where I am now.

Stop and care for her or him. For it. For full self. For awareness in that space.

that's the

enlightenement/enlivenment merge?


Know the sounds.



The vision I have,

dissociated from body,

is of awareness in space.


There is nothing left for me, perhaps, in the human-bounded realm.


social quietism.

The social chorists--


There are only vapor trails left.


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