Sunday, December 23, 2007

Hypnogourd, meta-mind

Posts since last time:


The main thing recently has been the SD/TJ Design, Plant, Harvest blog. I have been obsessed with it.

And fascinated with what I've been seeing about the world becoming more aware of itself, through blogs, maps, feeds, and the tools google, yahoo, others create to help this.

But I've been so obsessed, I've been using the computer too much.

My neighborhood friend, fortunately, has been rescuing me from the hypnogourd.

So I'm now in this space of being able to step back and think a bit more "meta" about what I've been doing.

Earlier this week I did get out and away to some wonderful places, and wrote letters by hand.

With the blog, the computer, there is endless fiddling that can be done.

And one feature leads to more opportunities for fiddling, and more visions of what it may be possible to create.

[and as great and world-owning as google is, this post editor still messes things up sometimes!! web publishing is not there yet??]

I'm not entirely sure where that sdtjdph blog is going, but I'm immediately excited about

  • simplifying the layout
  • mapping sd community gardens, and making it easier to map more and more things: sd canyons, the locations referenced in blog posts, fruit trees around town (reachable from the sidewalk or in public space). . .
  • And maybe helping make something others will very much want to use unlike my earlier efforts at experienceart, carfreeuniverse.

[do you want to collaborate, to help make it not a solo project? I've been having fun with the solo, choosing a name, and so on, it would be different in a group. . .]

I think what is happening with the blog is

the creation of a public space. It is meant to be a page where people meet, collaborate, and are able to go their separate ways, but they are all benefited by sharing a space with many others with different foci, yet a similar underlying goal.

"Design, Plant, Harvest" references the three things I at least sometimes neglect. Am I just "planting" (doing, doing, quick intuition, mindless fiddling), neglecting to design? Am I just designing (thinking, dreaming, hesitating in indecision), neglecting to plant? And have I planted, but never harvest--?

"Design", influenced by permaculture's emphasis on design, was the title briefly.

And I do want the blog to have more than just gardening info, but value having consideration of all the rest (land, water, energy use) rooted in the organic gardening, permaculture design metaphor.

But maybe all that will be left behind and the site will go in directions I don't forsee.

Maybe it will be no more than a demo that inspires some other project.

So, now is a time to stop and design what I'm doing--the aesthetics of working with the computer--what kind of experience do I want to harvest here, to help our mind, body have?

I came across a page last night (collecting google mashups: maybe this site) that said something like "why go anywhere when you can see more of the world through your computer?" I can feel that sentiment--and see though how the awareness enabled though the internet/computer is not separate from our being in the world.

When you do a search on blogger, or look at random blogs, and find many people in your city (especially nyc, sf: e.g., streetsblog, many many others) or even on your street, sharing--

Well there's a huge opportunity to improve awareness of the gardens, canyons, fruit trees and on and on in san diego--and of many efforts to do good things, to create great public space.

So, now, my task: avoid the computer. Consider where I want to go with this, and not just obsessively fiddle away.

Fitness has been good (thanks to friend breaking the spell). Diet/eating has been decent (incorporating some red meat infrequently, adding bits of butter with some things). Garden has been neglected. I've not spoken to my relatives about xmas. . . and could just let it go by and visit in January.

I've found some beautiful places to be--using the bike I found to get there--though I pass mindstretching expanses of bare (and in some cases, empty) pavement on the way, and think I may/ will die because of drivers here, biking on some of the busier roads.

Meditating, sitting, being, has been continuing too.

So, now, my task: avoid the computer. Consider where I want to go with this, and not just obsessively fiddle away.

Not where I want to go--

But to go into silence, to come back out, to consecrate more (?)

Not where I want to go--

Friday, December 7, 2007

visions always context-based


things have been fine.

I spent Wednesday researching art of union (, and via artofunion, HOME), plus my other friends/acquaintances in Costa Rica: Rod Rylander, Evan Marks. Partly prompted by Bill mentioning his son, Michael Shames (UCAN god) is going down there setting up eco-resorts. Partly after reading bluejay's airfare site and seeing I could get there for $250.

Thursday reading planetizen.

Tuesday sleeping?

Having a fine time.

Sort of content just to let life happen.

Not really.

Would like to

guide more?

--Now, Art of Union / Heaven on Mother Earth--

In many ways they are doing what I proposed doing--

Community, land trust, spiritual foci,

Many good things.


I saw the guy celebrating that he lives near a waterfall.

I wasn't super excited. (checked to see what the costa rican cities were like) (we have that here, in los padres NF. . . but not all the fruit and frogs. . . and year-round warm.)

I seem to remain more excited about walking around New York City.
(Why am I not going to participate in Art Of Union? or some other Costa Rica project? Too much work? What work would I ever want to do?)

Oh-- nevermind.


So I return to urban planning.


I enjoy reading this--

very much.


The thought of being a researcher again, and writing papers, and then getting an office job, or being a planner, running public meetings. . .


We'll see.

The plan for now:

continue reading planetizen-- the intersectionsblog.


Today, rode 2hrs to get a pass so I can do challenge course work on a Navy Base.

I have been doing ok taking care of self, having a good routine.

alternate walk/swim mornings. Bike across highway to walk near lake murray. In the evenings, usually play around in warm outdoor pool at SDSU. Visiting with friend most evenings.


it is exciting to think how much better urban environments could become.

fascinating how complex the process of creating them is.


A black guy (I was biking through the "poorer" neighborhoods) cheered me on (I'm on a lowrider recumbent with a bright flashing light on my helmet and florescent vest, florescent tow-truck gloves I found on my last long ride). Something like, "Alright! Way to keep your money guy!"

And that was a main reason I was biking. The round-trip would cost me $5 by transit.


I guess I'm somewhat done being angry at the landscape.

If I wanted to do something about it, I would be.

Biking through it (almost no one does) is my part.


So, no grand vision.


A Posting (Tuesday night): Ecopoopia: carfreeness/physical activity and veganism

Notes from this past interval:

A critique of "stay where you are":

She felt Wendell Berry would say “Stay at home, live a sustainable life and get out of the death culture.” Thomas Berry would say, “Discover your dream and life purpose and live fully into it.” From "An evening with Thomas Berry" by Frank Cook.


. . . a piece in The New Yorker by Nick Paumgarten on commuting in America entitled "There and Back Again". The tease at the beginning sums up the entire piece: "People may endure miserable commutes out of an inability to weigh their general well-being against quantifiable material gains."

At the turn of the 20th century,William Phelps Eno invented the rules of the road to reduce the number of accidents caused by horse-drawn vehicles; he is credited with devising the stop sign, the stop light, the yield sign, the crosswalk, the pedestrian island, the one-way street, the traffic circle, and the taxi stand. In addition, he codified driving on the right side of the road.


Sunday, December 2, 2007

to look forward to each day; watching the wind in the trees

You might have noticed:
I've not yet renounced everything to live the life of a homeless beggar. Who meditates.

I sort of came to the resolution that I won't renounce everything.

Or that much. At least not yet. Not until I have to?

Then: If I'm not going to renounce, what will I do.

And I got to looking at jobs.


Also what occurred--there is a decent (ongoing) challenge course work opportunity coming up--for a while I thought there was no go on that--and then it came back.

My mood followed that a bit.

Then I got to thinking about working for land trusts or doing some sort of urban planning.


One thing comes back to me though.

In a way I am totally free--it seems I don't really care whether I'm homeless or not, or even alive or not--so I am free to follow divine guidance (or divine lack of guidance).

On the other hand, while I am alive,

I tend to return to comfortable situations.


I've been affected by the guy who runs the soilandhealth web site/library (Steve Solomon). He writes:

When I needed to earn a living I made my work into play. My father wished that one on me. In a moment of great sincerity he said that he only wanted me to accomplish one thing in my life: that I would wake up each morning and look forward to what I had to do that day--something he frequently failed to achieve himself.


at this point there's nothing I really have to do. Except care for my part of our body.

the rest goes into caring for mind?

so I've been sitting around--sometimes--when I'm not on an internet research binge (like this morning: affordable housing, how to buy a house)

Meditating sometimes.

watching the wind in the trees.

while chewing mindlessly on unpopped popcorn kernels. . .

I thought I was going to contemplate applying to teach sailing.

That's something I was thinking of doing to get out of the house more, and to have more connections.

Oh. What I realized when going to SANDAG for the meeting (downtown, at least an hour bike ride, through pouring rain on that day), is that simply having to transport oneself from one place to the next can be mind-quieting.

It can help to be doing something more complex than walking--such as riding a bike or driving.

All those people can actually like driving--I understand this--and many of them listen to audio books and other things like that.


Once one has decided one needs to go from point a to b,

while one is doing that, one doesn't really need to wonder what to do in life . . .

So, I miss new york city a bit.

I was looking at the "streetsblog" started by some people there.


At the same time, I enjoyed my walk today, and could stop and be still along the way without getting cold.

So this is a bit of what is going on here.

The only work I'd love getting up for--I think--

is probably outside,

and probably does not involve guiding gaggles of people.

And could be away from cars. (and all engines)

I saw that UCSD needs mariners/seamen.


But part of what I'm doing is staying still.

My trip downtown and back was positive.

And opened me to traveling more.

The new challenge course work involves a commute.


Wallace Wattles has affected me a bit (on how to be great / a genius).

I seem to waver between wanting to be great

and enjoying bare consciousness: how amazing--I can hear, feel, see. . .


And since I have no desires that are not met- - -

Why should I do any more than sit about being amazed that I can hear, feel, see?


Because someday, Colin, you will have desires? There will be no food or shelter?

Or because humans have the drive to grow, to self-exceed (Wattles, Aurobindo),

And sitting about being amazed that you can hear, feel, see,

does not cause you to grow?


Ok. So you have a picture of how things are going.

This picture here is not representative of an average of my time:

I've been driven: thinking about affordable housing, and that land trust idea.

I've been despairing (see post from before going to SANDAG). That happened to be a grey day. So that could just be the weather.


It does not seem like it would take much to buy a $200,000 condo. . .

Unfortunately nothing with salary that I've thought of passes the "would you look forward to getting up? to what you have to do?" test. . .

The land trust / coop angle seems a bit of a hassle.

And if I play god: the people are doing o.k.--my interference isn't really called for-- [everything is perfect as it is. . . and incomplete]

unless it can be play.


And I guess that works.

10 or 20 years from now maybe I'll be sleeping in the canyons or in a car or on a boat or in a shed or in an office building or who knows.

My vision of self (following Wattles):

I don't worry about that.

(I don't think I'm telling the truth there--unless I'm practicing being peaceful my mind is constantly seeking for something good to do).



Saturday, December 1, 2007

consciousnesscare earthholding network

[This was written on 12/1, not posted until 12/2. There are things wrong with this, and I've moved on or left this, in a way, without sending this to anyone.]

About a year ago I posted on "community land trust cities" and "Community Land Trusts (CLTs) for San Diego - reading group".

I've gotten back on that track, and have a more specific idea.

Let's begin buying (or saving or fundraising to buy) urban property to be part of a landholding that will be managed based on earthcare values.

How this might work:

(1) Get a group of people committed to managing urban land use based on earthcare values.

(2) Figure out the nature of the legal entity that can hold the land. This may be a community land trust.

(3) Plan how best to begin so that the landholding can grow to contain more and more urban property over the years.

(3.5) Consider how the process can be a model for others.

As a part of this I also see:

(4) Getting more people living near each other who can support each other in being politically involved in guiding land use throughout the county.

Needs this addresses:

(1) Instead of paying rent to landlords who do not share our interests, we can, over the years, channel more and more of our money in ways consistent with earthcare.

(2) Instead of accumulating cash in banks and investments which may not share our interests, we can channel surpluses into earthcare landholding.

(3) We can build physical community through the landholding.

Potential participants:

(1) People like me who have been in contraction (pardon the new-age vocab) against American culture, many who have a lot of privilege, but who have been at a loss for how to positively participate in what they have been seeing as a culture of death.

On that note, we can make it possible for war tax resisters (low income approach) to participate in the landholding.

(2) People who have been more or less OK functioning in society as it is--having careers, children, saving money, but who see participation in the landholding as a way to channel more of their life energy in a positive direction.

For example, someone in that situation may succeed in owning property and permaculturizing it. However, their effort only lasts as long as they own that property, and they remain concerned about that property's resale value. Furthermore, they are limited by various regulations from being as sustainable as they would like.

For this group, we could establish a non-non-profit land trust (high incomes may prevent the 501c3 status), but the advantages could include being more certain than they would otherwise be that the land will continue to be managed consistent with their ideals.

They could also benefit from shared equity arrangements and from participating in a community working to improve building codes/land use regs/zoning.

(3) People who want to own their own place in areas where housing prices are exorbitant given their incomes. A community land trust can be used to accept money and land (often from the city or from developers who are required to mitigate effects of other developments) and offer housing on a shared-equity basis: owners own the buildings but not the land. The difference here is, we can (I'm guessing) put certain limits on how the land is used.

In my dream-world this might include no car use by owners (and many other great things).

Some are not eager to assist in enabling more people to move to the US, which is seen as enabling the immigrants to live a more destructive lifestyle. And, I have noticed, even some low-income type community land trusts seem to be helping people live the basic American we'd-consume-three-planets-if-everyone-lived-like-this dream.

We should be able to combine the principles of the Small House Movement with permaculture with transportation activism to create urban housing in which:

(1) No cars are used for transportation. (The issue with cars is the resources--space, materials, life-energy--devoted to auto-based transport systems, and the kind of urban environments and experience that that resource use generates.)

(2) Much of the water, power, food used by the household is collected or generated on site.

(3) Little to no waste trash, water, sewage leaves the site--it is all used in resource production on site.

(4) The amount of resources used to support residents' lifeways could also be used sustainably by others around the world.


In effect, we would be creating a small government that guides land use on the land in the land holding--a mini-government that exists within the larger government of the city, county, state, country, world.


I imagine creating a very general guiding vision at first such as:

"residents seek to live consistent with earthcare principles"

And with that create a model that could be used in more restrictive ways if that became desirable.

If ten years down the road the resource use of residents of the landholding was not much different from standard San Diego resources use circa 2007, a more restrictive guideline could be adopted.


I titled this "_consciousnesscare_ earthholding network," because there is an element of me getting to the point of writing up this idea that goes beyond (or that comes before, or that "transcends and includes") earthcare.

You may remember that I got to meditating and considering joining monasteries earlier this year.

Some current results from that process are:

I learned that more and more people are coming to understand enlightenment along the lines of "bringing the divine into matter" or into life. This is not a view of enlightenment as a state of non-dual awareness that you sit in indefinitely. Rather, meditative states and stillness are part of the process of being able to act in the world.

In addition, finding one can be content, joyful, aware, engaged, just sitting still can lead to security and freedom: I could renounce everything, if I thought it would serve.

The lack I've been addressing in my searching has been: lack of an address of the deeper meaning in life beyond earthcare, lack of an address of treating ourselves and other _humans_ with awareness and care, and lack of an address of the nature and possibility of ongoing personal and organizational development.

While I don't want to be attached to a part of this idea that turns off people who would otherwise want to help, I am attached to having something like a focus on "consciousnesscare" somewhere in there--because that may help us care for each other as we seek to better care for the earth.


Further reading, other influences.

Lincoln Inst.


George criticism

Understanding the effect of economics on land use.


dryland gardening. . ., soilandhealth. . .

Thursday, November 29, 2007

land as lover, conscious trip generation, meditation for organizations, for social organisms

[This was written on 11/29 and not posted until 12/2. Note: I did go to the SANDAG meeting.]


Tn could-

You are a great man.

a great node.

Total disengagement.


A conflict has been that I could go to SANDAG (San Diego Association of Governments) tomorrow morning at 9 and be of some help to Duncan McFetridge in getting speaking time before whoever it is that decides, I guess.

It seems I would rather let this go.

It is good to have had the opportunity to consider this,

and it would be good to have let it go.

Instead, I may go across the highway again.


Julie told me about this.

. . . maybe only because I thanked her for passing on McFetridge's response to the regional transportation plan EIR.


In the past few days some of this has been going on:

I realized I'm not going to renounce. At least not voluntarily. And neither will many others.

I realized life is not about renunciation.

So if I will not renounce, what will I do?

I thought I might work on land trusts. I looked into that.

Trolley driving.

Then eventually got to urban planning.

And it comes to Friday: go or not.

And it comes to vision of life.



My vision is: of larger forces, not of individuals.

My vision is: of change that is forced, of nodes that bob.

I got this node into a persona of acting on transportation concerns. Julie now encourages that.

Once she is my dream.

Now tn was unmoved.

Something else.



My vision is all of space, none of time.

Space (time) is gradient of awareness.



practicing dissociation

enabling engagement.


I hear sound! God, I hear sound!

I see texture!

I sense, I sense having a body.


Not greeting with eyes or words the walkers, I walk, focused on the sparkling, slipping water in the ditch.

For which, I am--someone--thankful to--they put it there.


Comfortable with renunciation, I can wait until all falls away.

I do not go to meetings.

Nor send emails.

Nor travel with attention.

I am more and more brought back to this place, this dead end,

where the tide, aimless motivation, receded, left this node.


There are places nearby,

By being in them,

I enliven them.

By being in them,



This node. Moving in space.

Field moving around this node.

Draw occurs--"The sidewalk is over there."

The helpful driver points out.


"Let's go check that out."

"Check what out?"

Still. They go by.




We do not need to fight.

It's all good.

Everything is perfect as it is.

And incomplete.

Land trusts took me to Borsodi took me to soilandhealth took me to Wallace Wattles _How To Be A Genius or The Science of Being Great_.


Breathe in the exhaust fumes from the trucks from the two strokes.

We don't need to fight.

It's all good.

Everything is perfect as it is.

And incomplete.

You are a great man.


I am a god among gods.


So. No trip generation.

I stay here.

Even if leaving could enable fundamental design change in San Diego County's regional transportation plan,

Reducing the trips taken by others million fold.



There is something else that wants care. That only I can give it.

Only I can be here.

Only I can bring awareness to where I am.

Only I can be in this space and know:

God, I can see!

I can feel.



This does nothing for you.

Stop moving, You other nodes.


Stop trying to make me move.

I shall be a hero like Maharshi, who let life happen to him.

Like Mellville's Bartleby.

not just like.


Be in the place where you are.

Nothing needs to be done.

Everything is perfect as it is,

and incomplete.


We are gods becoming god-like.


The insight is:

Land as lover.

No one's caring for just this space.

For just this space--

The space where I am now.

Stop and care for her or him. For it. For full self. For awareness in that space.

that's the

enlightenement/enlivenment merge?


Know the sounds.



The vision I have,

dissociated from body,

is of awareness in space.


There is nothing left for me, perhaps, in the human-bounded realm.


social quietism.

The social chorists--


There are only vapor trails left.


Tuesday, November 20, 2007

this node

[1] god consciousness
[2] Relational Spirituality
[3] I can play.
[4] Diet
[5] Emptiness of all views
[6] This Node
[6.5] No teleological purpose; development rooted in relational insight
[7] Other posts

So, what's been happening?

Short: a binge of reading + some insight.


Too much to write.

What's best for our body, mind?

[1] god consciousness

I don't want to let go of 'god consciousness' and related insights.

God consciousness, or looking backward all the time, came about one day in sitting, and I kept it with me through much of the following day.

It was a version of consecration. I called it in mentally with, "God are you there?" "Are you still there?"

This corresponded to a filling of attention with the full visual field--

and for some reason it felt like looking backwards. Like the eyes press to the back and see more/ see the full visual field.


This faded--I thought it might--or I could say, it led to new things.

It was a (sort of--I've removed all the "sort of"s I had in here to make this more readable) filling of attention with sense awareness--In the early version: the visual field. In later versions: fill sense-awareness with physical sensation (of touch and or movement), with sound-awareness, with smell awareness.

The original thing I called god-consciousness was very clearing, I could walk along and hold mind full, maintaining contact with this presence. [I could do it now, and am touching in with it--the quality is not as clear yet, I have not sat much since Sunday].

Another way to describe it is a shift in the way of using the mind.

It was a shift, first felt in sitting, and then carried on and practiced later.

[2] Relational Spirituality

Another development was reading Barbara Langton and John Heron. I hope to have a better guide to them (or Heron mainly) here later. For now some notes.

0113 See dyadic cookbook:

Is the relationship, as we have recently been living it in terms of its current strands, authentically spacious, liberating, fulfilling and ego-transcending -- that is, creatively and transformatively participating in the interconnected community of being?
I don't find Langton or Heron easy to read. But what they have done here was once a dream of mine. If you were with someone, an intimate partner, with whom you could engage fully and creatively, what would you do? In "Cookbook of dyadic inquiry: Recipes for transfiguring relationships", Langton and Heron are open about their conscious process.

So now, writing here is preparation for asking my friend, "Is the relationship, as we have recently been living it in terms of its current strands, authentically spacious, liberating, fulfilling and ego-transcending -- that is, creatively and transformatively participating in the interconnected community of being?"

and my 92-year old grandma, "Is the relationship, as we have recently been living it in terms of its current strands, authentically spacious, liberating, fulfilling and ego-transcending -- that is, creatively and transformatively participating in the interconnected community of being?"

That will about cover things for me. . .

I think maybe instead I'll go with the supramental approach:
I was standing beside him. My head wasn’t exactly on his shoulder but where his shoulder was (I don’t know how to explain it; physically there was hardly any contact). We were standing side by side like that, gazing out through the open window, and then together, at exactly the same moment, we felt: “Now the Realization will be accomplished.”

I felt a massive descent within me, the certitude, that same certitude I had felt in my vision.

From that moment on, there was nothing to say, no words, nothing. We knew that was it.
Mirra Alfassa writing about Aurobindo Ghose, qtd. in Notebook on Evolution (PDF 1mb). Ed. Luc Venet.

Returning to the mental realm:

It takes a closeness to the divine to stay on the plane Langton and Heron describe.


relational spirituality, participatory spirituality.

For what seems to get at a core of what he has to teach:

From Chapter 7 of Sacred Science "Spiritual transformation":
Dissociative meditation both fully attends to, and disengages from any management of, the contents of the mind and their immanent life-process. But it clearly has an impact on the life-process of the contents and sets its energy in motion. To put it crudely, it sucks the energy of the life-process up into the disengaged awareness to empower it and stabilize it. It interrupts the internal development of the contents and displaces energy from their immanent unfoldment to a transcendent enhancement of sustained attention.

The complementary interior activity is to engage empathically with the life-process of the contents of consciousness, to infuse them with the light of the mind and so empower their developmental potential. This redirects the expansive tendency of consciousness and converts it into the immanent unfoldment of its contents. This disciplined and passionate engagement with the mental Many honours their divine status. It includes the interior, creative imagination of the musician, artist, scientist, social reformer and others. It leads over, of course, into the first, and externally expressive, form of spiritual transformation, which I outlined at the start of this chapter.
Let me just say this--upon only hearing of the idea "relational spirituality", I changed my life and focus. This resulted in playing a card game with a friend--something I might not have done before. And it was a lot of fun. Then I got to studying these ideas more.
This disciplined and passionate engagement with the mental Many honours their divine status. It includes the interior, creative imagination of the musician, artist, scientist, social reformer and others.
That in particular helped me respond to/ progress from:
The problem is that the supreme enlightened ( so far we can ascertain ) are not very creative, let alone dwelling on the summit of such activity. On the contrary, one might cynically observe that trademarks of vita unitiva/sahaja samadhi/baqa, judging from lives of Ramana Maharshi, legendary Bodhidharma or Suso are lethargy, apathy or asocial quietism. The fact that a few realized mystics were also powerful and charismatic writers ( Rumi, Angelus Silesius, Sri Aurobindo,..) doesn't alter the sobering truth: creativity, as we are used to understand the meaning of this word, is a specific activity of struggling human beings doomed to subject-object relational isolation. In this sense, neither God, nor the God-realized humans present epitomes of creativity.
--Arvan Harvat. "The Atman Fiasco".

Now, I moved on to this chart/list from "Spiritual Transformation" which refers to ways of using attention:
  • Constant witnessing, with wide-aperture attention, unmoved and unmediated, of all contents.
  • Constant witnessing, with focused attention, unmoved and unmediated, of a particular chosen content.
  • Constant creative participation, with wide-aperture attention, both unmoved and unmediated in itself, and also moved by and mediating a developmental process within the mind as a whole.
  • Constant creative participation, with focused attention, both unmoved and unmediated in itself, and also moved by and mediating a developmental process within some chosen content.
Heron's jargon is killer. I think I managed to get into it (1) by having the earlier question represented by the Harvat quote, and (2) by skimming "Spiritual Transformation" and seeing his critique of "dissociative consciousness". I first learned about Heron from the Kheper site--Heron had written some Wilber criticism (all the way at the bottom) which I found provoking.

This opening helped me begin to study some of Heron's other work.

His terms reMinding and reLiving have also been helpful.

But beyond the card game, keeping these terms/Heron's vision in mind led me to great experience:

[3] I can play.

In the swimming pool--yesterday morning. I became entranced visually. Am I on drugs? Why is the visual field such a spectacle today?

In fact, I was on something. I had overdosed on Jerusalem Artichokes which contain indigestible inulin. I seem to be fine with Jicama, which also has inulin. But whether or not it was the sunchokes, I had intestinal distress and odd and significant gas generation.

This made me initially very slow and sensitive to my body. It helped me stay in my body.

The greatest of dance highs leave me fully in my body. This is a sort of 'god consciousness' in which the field of attention is fully filled with body sensation, proprioception.

In this case, I was in the pool so long, I got to feeling the cross-linking of my muscle fibers finally starting to loosen (my story of what's behind the feeling). In the greatest of dance highs, I just stretch these and loosen them for ever and ever--see "stretching to satiation".

In the visual realm--the sun shone in one half of the pool--

every turn I made down there faced me with a swirl of pixy bubbles trailing my feet.

I would swim close to the bottom and lose myself in the rainbow waves along the bottom and on my skin.

If I surfaced and looked around the world up there was as rich.

And at one point a song played--different from the usual oldies they have going--a cappella, beatles-ish, and long, and I was absorbed.

The sight and sound of rising bubbles too. The playing with buoyancy in the deep end, too. The plain old smooth swimming, too.

I was there a long time. On the mental realm, I was reminded of past times of great play, full body play, too--a long day of waterskiing came up.

And Heron's theory/views/example was behind my embracing/acceptance/allowing of all that.

An insight during all of this was that I was exercising no self-control. This was fully free liberation, bliss, whatever--and I did spend some time composing a title I could use here that would express some of the magnitude of what I was feeling. [so, different from pure play, my earlier play memories, there was the mental element of considering what I might say about what was happening].

So play, pure play--the mental controller was out of the way.

I have played this way in the pool before, but not for a long while.

A precursor was Sunday's sitting--there was nothing earth-shattering, but a comfort in staying there--oddly I find it related to play. Just staying there, wanting to be /relishing being choiceless [avoiding choicing?].

[4] Diet

I think I noted in an earlier entry, "I went to lift weights, and found that wasn't going to happen."

My odd eating had also led to me being plumper than I'd like.

So I decided to end the vegan trip I'd been on, and eat some cholesterol. [it's not easy with awareness of (and lack of awareness of) what's behind the flesh or dairy I'm eating. I think I got along well ok earlier because of all the grubs in the figs I ate. So, I could find a way of growing grubs for food.]

This, combined with divine focus on caring for the body by exercising/moving two times a day.

So I have been [moving two times a day], and this has been positive-- maybe more on this later.

[5] Emptiness of all views

. . . "Why be so complicated?" But what I noticed most was that hardly any of the “enlightened ones” said clearly that it was all about nothing. Clearest was Nagarjuna who had said about 1000 years ago:

“Emptiness of all views is prescribed by the Buddha as the ‘way of liberation’. Incurable indeed are they who take Emptiness itself as a view. It is as if one were to ask, when told that there is nothing to give, to be given that nothing.”

A very beautiful old description of the way I go, the way of liberation.

"Mushin" also relates to this.

[6] This Node

Earlier than most of what I've described above was a sort of shock about how socially constructed "I" am.

Just hearing the terms "relational spirituality", "participatory spirituality" opened me up from a narrow "dissociative" consciousness focus.

In addition, reading criticism, Geoffrey Falk, for one, J. Kripal for another, contributed to this realization:

how much what I read/experience affects the contents of my experience.

So, I saw self as node of awareness.

I walk around and sense nodes of awareness like a field of densities of charges.

Ramakrishna referred to his body as "this sheath".

If I start saying "this node", that is what happened.

If this node starts saying "this node". . .

So--we are nodes--we have not solid selves--and the fields we move in generate what we are and even how we are aware.

Like a neuron. Ed deBono's metaphors come to mind here.

To speak more specifically of criticism, Geoffrey Falk is relentless, and helps one to question the whole social construction of enlightenment, zen masters, sadgurus and all the rest. He's not yet through being read by this node yet. (Some of his criticism is foolish, but I find it helpful on the whole).

I also took a look at Jorge Ferrer's Revisioning Transpersonal Theory which is about as readable as Heron-- and he seemed to be pointing out the social construction of the perennial philosophy-- the Ramakrishna: all paths will get you to the same place if you go far enough, and [not Ramakrishna]: some paths are 'better'/more complete--both unquestioned views that many have been holding.

I only had the briefest glimpse of what Ferrer may be addressing, but what I've taken away is a new question about an assumption I had not been questioning.

Same with Heron, with Kripal.

[6.5] No teleological purpose; development rooted in relational insight

1508 well--I think it's time to let this go. Here's two other points to consider.
. . . there is no teleological purpose in creation and there cannot be, for all is there in the Infinite: the Divine has nothing that he needs to gain or that he has not. If there is creation and manifestation, it is for the delight of creation, of manifestation, and not for any purpose. There is then no reason for an evolutionary movement with a culmination to be reached or an aim to be worked out and effectuated or a drive toward ultimate perfection ("Man and the Evolution," 827).
from Sri Aurobindo Ghose: The Dweller in the lands of Silence. William Kluback. Michael Finkenthal, ed. 2001. 13.
I prefer to think of the spiritual development of human culture as rooted in degrees of relational, moral insight and not in an evolutionary logic. Evolution as a concept seems best left to natural processes. Otherwise intellectual bids to know what evolution is up to and what is coming next culturally rapidly convert into hegemonic arrogance and attempts at social and intellectual control.

this node

tn also added a link to integral san diego today.

[7] Other posts

tn posted to cfn: bicyclecity (USA) and sofar vs Southern California madness continued.

tn posted "Cure carpal tunnel syndrome / RSI without surgery".

An earlier post to integral san diego: two truths may not be helpful? western mysticism meetings. Divinise This!


Wednesday, November 14, 2007

divine self-continuity


part of what can be done in sitting/life is:

watching for anything that makes sense of self continue.

--in some meditative states, these self-continuities are absent.

In lifting weights, there may ideally be one sense: that of lifting, focusing on muscle. All else that enters head is continuing a sense of self different from the lifting of the weights.

on an even more subtle level, usually while sitting, it is possible to watch for movements of attention: to a thought, to a sound, to a sight, to a feeling in the body--any movement of attention.

That may help to reach the expansive, motionless attention.

Each movement of attention, however small, seems to be a self-continuity.


Unless I'm in that motionless state of expansive awareness, it seems that there may always be a self-continuity.

Now, if I'm in that state of lifting weights, and if I do not have attention shifting to anything other than lifting weights, I find that a positive, peaceful state.

If, on the other hand, not a moment goes by without my attention moving to something other than lifting of weights,

i Am Not At Ease, i Am Not Focused On Lifting Weights.


If in all my life I very rarely experience long periods of mind focused on one task, or of mind sitting in motionless expansive awareness,

i Am Not At Ease, At Peace.


If we are to bring the divine into our lives, it would seem that we would move with single pointed or expansive mind from one divine focus to another.


Suppose I'm divinising the body (interpreted as caring for the physical body in this case), all movement of attention would be aligned with that.


The challenge may be in determining those "divine" areas of focus. And of ordering one's life (one's attention-focusing) around them.


I've heard that divine guidance can come through stillness.

So I wake up this morning and had a plan to go swim, do weights, and then who knows what.

I get to moving around to get ready to go--all "self-continuities", perhaps aligned with a divine focus.

I decide to check internet--a self-continuity not aligned with divine--it could be an opening to divine--but it did not originate in silence.

That done, I take a look at paper. Again, a self-continuity not aligned with divine. It could be an opening to divine, perhaps, but it did not originate in my own silence.


Now, almost ready to leave, perceiving a cycle before me: a self-continuity-- of swimming, weights, of going , coming, returning,

i Stop.


What are the divine continuities I can center my focus on?

I can care for this body: I can go do that exercise in the morning.

Beyond that, what do I have?

I can read about spiritual leaders--like Ramakrishna. That seems valid.

I can sit and learn about attention, practice expansive, still, motionless attention.

And i Can Eat To Care For The Body.

Those are several things.

I should be able to move focus between those several things endlessly (until the body dies).

care for body: exercise

care for body: eat

care for attention: still, watch attention

care for mind: read about spiritual leaders


That seems about the bare minimum.

See, life has to be organized beyond "sit for an hour in morning and evening" or "sit as much as possible" or "join a monastery if you're serious" or "follow a guru, if you're serious."

There are things it could be good to incorporate: visits with friends, gardening, music, helping others in some way.

Visits with friends: I let happen usually randomly throughout the day.

The others have no organized incorporation in my daily cycle.

----The reason is I'm distracted by the thought of being in some other cycle?-----------


So, let's practice shifting attention, maintaining attention on these areas in sequence:

care for body: exercise

care for body: eat

care for attention: still, watch attention

care for mind: read about spiritual leaders

care for ?: visit with friends

care for attention cycle:

consider ways of helping others

consider incorporating gardening in cycle, part of care for body.


Those are chosen self continuities. Chosen areas of focus.


What of considering new areas of focus?

By shutting down inputs from material sources (internet, paper, advertising), all new areas of focus come from friends, from silence, (from reading about spiritual leaders).

There still is the past tendency to wander:

- I could be walking to pacific beach.

- I could be camping out.

- I could be maintaining this cycle somewhere else.

- I could be maintaining a different cycle (different exercise, routine, location, community), there are positive changes I could make to this cycle.

- I could be living a life more helpful to others.


Those are self-continuities not related to chosen areas of focus.

Here's what can be done for day-long meditation.

Follow the plan for what the areas of focus will be at a particular time.

Schedule in time for re-evaluating the cycle.

All re-evaluating can be limited to that part of the cycle. So let's review again:


Shift attention, maintain attention on these areas in sequence:

(1) care for body: exercise

(2) care for body: eat

(3) care for attention: still, watch attention

[opening to divine would/could occur here once stilling of this level of attention occurs. Or it occurs in the decisions made in an unstill state (Theory U), but is benefited, enhanced by the stilling process.

Actually, opening to divine occurs wherever there is clear, steady focus on a divine task. . .]

(4) care for mind(?): read about spiritual leaders

(5) care for ?: visit with friends

(6) care for cycle: evaluate cycle by pondering cycle improvements. This may involve writing about cycle.


For this initial period of this kind of organization:

Watch for areas of focus that do not fit in any of the above areas. List them, give them their own area. Some may be:

care for garden

care for shelter

care for family

[if I write an email--god forbid--where would that go? Probably "care for friends" and also "opening to divine"?]

Consider avoiding material inputs: internet, newspaper.

If not avoiding these, give them their own area of focus. . . ("read periodicals, other information sources"--for what purpose? care for collective mind?). Consider what "divine" purpose reading these could have--move them from realm of mindless self-continuity to having some divine purpose, focus.

0748 critique of this approach:

Does it lock you in to present cycle?

No. Potentially it may make you aware of the larger attention cycling that goes on througout the day.

If changes are made to this cycle, they are made with more awareness, and, quite possibly, with more connection to divine source.

I guess all it is, really, is a labeling mechanism applied to the whole day, just as some meditators use labeling in their sitting.



Finish (6), caring for cycle, by finishing this, posting it (relates to care for our mind, mass mind, plural mind?)

It is late enough to call Mike (5).

(1) Go swim, do weights.

(2) Eat. Or (3) first.


Perhaps go out again in evening to (1) and to (5). And then 2,3 or 4 again at some point.

That's it?

Additional possibilities:

--complete the archiving of carfreeuniverse.

--consider what "care for garden" could be done.


Here, for reference, is the current scheme:

Shift attention, maintain attention on these areas in sequence:

(1) care for body: exercise

(2) care for body: eat

(3) care for attention: still, watch attention

(4) care for mind(?): read about spiritual leaders

(5) care for ?: visit with friends

(6) care for cycle: evaluate cycle by pondering cycle improvements. This may involve writing about cycle.

(7) Take rest.

Saturday, November 10, 2007


I spent most of yesterday reading _sri ramakrishna and his divine play_ and popping corn, microwaving sweet potatoes and eating them, and reading stuff from internet.

In evening, I got out, walked to state, swam, did weights (!), a bit of yoga, speedbagging, treadmill, stairmaster :)> some things I've never done there before.

I had eaten a bit too much popcorn. Walked home, checked on cat. Got peanuts. Read, ate late into night.

In the evening I was reading
Linked to from the kheper site.

It appears to be entirely by Ray Posner. It is odd. He gives many examples which come from his own life (I'm guessing), but he attributes them to others. He interviews himself (I'm guessing). He has generated an enormous amount of text.

I cannot forget his using of his spiritual principles in order to locate the nearest place to buy a particular kind of candy bar!

His glowing description of an associate's (his own, I'm guessing) visit to San Diego made me !!. He is on a different plane than I.

0933 The main point, though, is this.
on this massive page
, I found a helpful pointer that addresses my question of the previous day, "How can I live from soul?"

One pasting hodge podge doesn't really deserve another. But here's some points from that page I pasted in my notes for further examination.

Before that, though, let me--in text--, let us--in person, in soul--, give metta, devotion, loving-kindness to Ray Posner (to Aurobindo, to Alfassa, and on).

Learn from a Discussion
Our goal should not be to win a debate, but to learn from the discussion. Inner Silence, silent Will, and taking the other person's point of view are spiritual techniques that will certainly go a long way to achieving this goal.

How then do we consecrate? It is actually rather simple. Before we begin any activity -- such as reading an email or meeting with a new client -- we can pause for a moment, concentrate ourselves within until we are somewhat still, and offer that which we are about to undertake to the Higher Power.

Note: there are three central spiritual methods of connecting to the Spirit are Consecration, Moving to the Depths, and Surrender. Consecration is to open to the Force before engaging in an activity. Moving to the Depths (or Concentration) is a movement away from the surface existence to a deeper existence within. In the deepest depths one discovers the Personal Evolving Soul. Surrender is to offer all one's work, one's life to the Divine Force and Intent. (It occurs generally after one has connected with the Personal Evolving Soul.) The recommended approach for the average person is to begin consecrating every act to enable magnificent results, and over time move the consciousness into the depths, which will enable better consecration. When you reach the Evolving Soul in the depths, then you can begin a life of Surrender to the Divine.]

Normally, when we take up an activity, we just do it. Usually there is some thought involved, perhaps some planning, a certain will to achieve, and the physical effort to make it happen. This is the way we normally accomplish our objectives in life. However, if we choose to live a spirit-oriented existence, this approach will not suffice. In a spirit-oriented life, actions are taken not merely for our own sake, but for the Divine's sake -- fulfilling Its will, purpose, and intent. When we focus our intention to accomplishing an act for that Higher Purpose, we are in essence consecrating the act. When we do, stunning developments are likely to follow, as the act is infused with the spiritual powers of the Divine. Consecration in this way is then the central method that distinguishes a spirit-oriented existence from an ordinary one.

How then do we consecrate? It is actually rather simple. Before we begin any activity -- such as reading an email or meeting with a new client -- we can pause for a moment, concentrate ourselves within until we are somewhat still, and offer that which we are about to undertake to the Higher Power. When we do so, we not only give what we are about to embark on greater purpose and meaning, but what takes place thereafter will tend to have the stamp of the Divine action upon it. The act that we have consecrated will tend to unfold better, as positive situations and circumstance unexpectedly arise; where previously problematic circumstances will begin to dissipate; and where a feeling of calm and well-being will permeate the atmosphere. In other words, by consecrating the activity, life will begin to cooperate from all quarters. It is the power of the spiritual Force in action.

At a later stage, you will feel not only this sense of wonder, but begin to develop a certain desire to surrender to this Power. You will begin to see that you are making the effort at consecration not so much for your own personal achievement and success, but to fulfill the Divine purpose and intent. You will begin to feel that you are becoming an instrument through which the Divine Intention and Will can flow. At that point, you may begin to surrender you very life's purpose and existence to the Divine. Then your own individual soul purpose and the Divine purpose will begin to merge. Such spiritual experience and realization in the activities of life is perhaps the greatest joy known to Man.


What Consecration Means

Consecration means REMEMBERING God before doing anything. Think of God and then speak. Think of God and then eat. That is consecrating speech or eating. To consecrate a sentence is to think of [the Divine] Mother before speaking that sentence. Some intricate problems give way and are solved. (MSS)

-A powerful beginning of consecration is possible only when the WILL is stronger than the urge for thought or sensation.


Access the Force to Enable Our Ultimate Transformation

For those who wished to undertake the effort, Sri Aurobindo laid out a path from our current human functioning to a new evolutionary spiritual-based functioning; rooted in this new supramental consciousness aspect of the Divine, God. Instead of merely opening to the Force to bring about sudden, abundant life response, one could also open to it to totally transform our mental, vital, and physical nature into their higher counterparts.


Bringing the Spirit to earth is a greater spiritual goal.


We must learn to rely only on the Divine Grace and to call for its help in all circumstances; then it will work out constant miracles. (The Mother)



Then, for those further along the path, one can practice the method of surrender to the Higher Will. With this approach one does not will for anything of one's own, or try to insure the outcome of something through an offering to a higher power. One simply and continually opens and gives one's self to the spirit, for It own sake; and the spirit moves the outer world as it seems fit. At this point one lives for the Divine purpose in life, not one's own.

(Sri Aurobindo, from The Synthesis of Yoga, chapter "Self Consecration")

-A man met his uncle every few years, and each time it turned contentious or tense when discussing politics and family matters. This time he decided to withdraw any expectation or negative feeling, and consecrated the event deeply. Everything went perfectly in the meeting, without any hostility, tenseness; with joy, harmony, including many positive sub life responses. Wherever we went people cooperated, places cooperated, everything was joyous, smooth, with perfect execution.



[Note: there are three central spiritual methods of connecting to the Spirit are Consecration, Moving to the Depths, and Surrender. Consecration is to open to the Force before engaging in an activity. Moving to the Depths (or Concentration) is a movement away from the surface existence to a deeper existence within. In the deepest depths one discovers the Personal Evolving Soul. Surrender is to offer all one's work, one's life to the Divine Force and Intent. (It occurs generally after one has connected with the Personal Evolving Soul.) The recommended approach for the average person is to begin consecrating every act to enable magnificent results, and over time move the consciousness into the depths, which will enable better consecration. When you reach the Evolving Soul in the depths, then you can begin a life of Surrender to the Divine.]


When we center ourselves within in our daily activities we reduce the tendency to drink, take drugs, smoke, overeat, to be tense, to seek intensity, etc. What could be more immediately practical?

Living within is concentration. Opening to the Force "without" is consecration. Concentration enables better (i.e. deeper, more frequent) concentration. Results and benefits of greater consecration can energize one to live even more within and its ever-accelerating benefits, including the potential to burst through to one's personal evolving soul.


Spiritual Persons Do Not Punish; They Wait for Culprit to Come Forward
If you are spiritual, you should not punish others. You should consider their shortcomings as your own. To protect their defects until they come forward on their own to change themselves is a spiritual requirement. [PS You can invoke that coming forward of the culprit through inner mean.] (MSS, with addition in brackets)

Spiritual Persons Do Not Assert
One who is spiritually inclined should not assert. (MSS)

Be Good to One Who is Evil
To be good to a person who is good to us is not difficult. To be good to a person who is evil to us is not easily possible. It may not be necessary for the outer life. However, it is necessary for inner integrity. (MSS)

Life Rewards Your Inner, Not Outer Behavior
Life rewards not your behaviour, but what you are inwardly. It is not enough you are humble in public or private, because it is only a behaviour.

Invoke the Spirit, call in Mother, be quiet, practice Silent Will, resort to Faith, give up all reliance of capacity, things will go smoothly. (MSS)

Shade Needs Light, but Light Needs Not Shade
Shade needs light; light is not dependent on shade. Sri Aurobindo said the higher consciousness does not need the lower human consciousness, while the lower cannot exist without the higher. (MSS)

What else. Ray may have a hand in this as well:

I'll be checking out a bit of Consecration Mag as well.

I consecrate this typing here.



Go to La Mesa, pick up tires to fix upright bike.

eventually go exercise at sdsu--swim, etc.

Maybe work on catching the rat.

Read more ramakrishna.


Note that all the consecration stuff on Posner's site finds as its source Aurobindo's yoga. (Sri Aurobindo, from The Synthesis of Yoga, chapter "Self Consecration")

0955 I just wanted to post here. I'd like to do you a service by presenting a concise, helpful version of the principles around consecration.

I'll use these posts as a sort of notepad.

If I come up with helpful syntheses, I'll put them at "What I have to show."


1005. How is it I'm speaking of soul here, when not long ago, in sharing with Grammie what I'd learned from Goenka about what the buddha taught, I said "There's nothing like that." when she asked about soul?


Friday, November 9, 2007

divinisation of the body; the lethargy, apathy, asocial quietism of the supreme enlightened

For a day I did not write this, and who knows how often from now on.

I posted the previous post. I don't remember what I did then. (I think I went back to sleep)

Eventually I went to the Kroc Center, swam, and then went upstairs. I was on a rowing machine for a while--one with swirling water for resistance. Then, first time in my life, I went on some of the exercise machines. I did this for an hour+ And watched the panels of tvs for a while--first time in my life. A fighting match: the contender.

Then I went out and rested on a big foam pad.

Then I left kroc center and sat in canyon/backyard/iceplant, and napped.

Then (2pm) I went by friend's house and let cat out (friend is gone).

Then I went to help Leslie pack for his display at a pacific symposium of herbalists/healers at the catamaran hotel in pacific beach.

That was a good part of the day.

I was physically weak at the beginning and needed some exercise.

I met some good people.

Then I left, let cat in, and, I think, stayed up late reading stuff, inside again.

Then. . . waking up. Ate--alot. Seemed to be recovering from some poor digestion the day before.

then, eventually, left (11am?). Picked up book from library. Walked to state. Swam. Went to ARC. Sat. After attempting to lift weights--

but was feeling low energy, and said this will not work.


In morning, I had this question:

"How do I live from soul?"

"care for body"

That, following Arobindo's "divinisation of matter."


So, I seem to be cured from the desire to write here.

The plan from here on out:

Care for body, divinise body--wherever that leads.

Maybe I'll write here for some other purpose than I have been.

If things get bad so that I find myself not liking living, I'll use this again to help me watch and see what's up.

--- I've been sedating self with popcorn--

But in a fairly harmless if mindless way.


Basically, I've been becoming so wimpy, [?, maybe not]

That it's clear I'm not divinising my own matter. . .

--I've also been reading a lot more of Alan Kazlev's site, to learn more about Aurobindo and other things,

and just to escape self, life (perhaps, perhaps not).

Here's some quotes from what I read yesterday:

The problem is that the supreme enlightened ( so far we can ascertain ) are not very creative, let alone dwelling on the summit of such activity. On the contrary, one might cynically observe that trademarks of vita unitiva/sahaja samadhi/baqa, judging from lives of Ramana Maharshi, legendary Bodhidharma or Suso are lethargy, apathy or asocial quietism. The fact that a few realized mystics were also powerful and charismatic writers ( Rumi, Angelus Silesius, Sri Aurobindo,..) doesn't alter the sobering truth: creativity, as we are used to understand the meaning of this word, is a specific activity of struggling human beings doomed to subject-object relational isolation. In this sense, neither God, nor the God-realized humans present epitomes of creativity.
we are matter in the process of being divinised / manifesting soul.

Unfortunately, you really need the Collected Works and the Agenda to appreciate the depth of power of Mirra's teachings. The compilations that are usually presented are simple, nonthreatening aphorisms and quotes. Inspiring, sure, but no different to any other spiritual teacher. As a starting point I would suggest, at the very least, the small book Conversations, being a record of some of her early Ashram talks in 1929
“Interpretation always presupposes a spiritual communion between the interpreter and the subject he seeks to interpret. This becomes imperative when one seeks to interpret a culture, a way of thought, or a thing of the Spirit. A process of saturation, resulting in a participation mystique, must set in before the eyes are ready to see and the mind to grasp.” (Italics added for emphasis. From S. Radhakrishnan et. al., eds., The Cultural Heritage of India, Vol. 1, p. 326.)

Swami Muktananda's _Play of Consciousness_;



no plan--

but ask, as I have occasionally been:

"How do I live from soul?"

No plan other than that.

0602. One of my sisters is getting married this weekend. I've done nothing other than this. I won't be going (it is on the east coast). FYI.

"How do I live from soul?"


Wednesday, November 7, 2007

sankalpas, god's will

I posted, then did stuff on net for a while. Till 940?

That was it in the computer until 3pm.

I was not sure what to do.

Set up a spot outside and just sat there.--First, eating, looking at paper.

Then, not knowing what to do, just sat.

Then, took a nap, looked at clouds.

Eventually I got to asking repeatedly, "what is god's will?"

Here's something related to that:

Gurus and God

A few comments about Gurus and God.

Gurus coming from the Eastern (Indian) traditions always talk about God (even those who do not claim to be God). Misunderstandings can arise here though because in the word "God" is generally used by most Indian-based Guru-movements - e.g. Muktananda's Siddha Yoga, Guru Maharaji's "Divine Light Mission", Rajneesh/Osho, Sri Chimnoy, Swami Satchidananda, Sri Sri Aandamurti's "Ananda Marga", Satya Sai Baba, etc - to designate an impersonal Absolute Reality synonymous with one's inner being (Atman), rather than a supernatural Creator in the Theistic sense.
Well I thought I had an answer, eventually-- sort of by asking yes no questions:

Tomorrow (or asap): walk across highway with a respirator in a light-colored robe.

I had other answers.

It seems I'm not, at this point, planning to follow them--another was, "eat only what fits in pot 2x/day."

I did, however, get as far as looking into how to make the robe.

Here's one I did try, with some success [I used a sheet I got from the thrift store which I was thinking of wearing and going on alms round in La Jolla]:

I was a novice monk and had lots of trouble putting on the robes.I will try my best to help.

1.For the 'skirt',wear it like the Indian sarong.This is the easy one.

2.For the robe to wrap round the body;from the edge of the robe,fold six folds of about 15cm.

3.With the left hand holding the edge of the robe (with the folds) and the right hand holding the edge without the fold,put the robe over the shoulder.

4.The right hand then moved the robe around the neck and tuck in the robe over the left shoulder.

5.With the left hand still holding the edge with the folds,flick and reverse the robe over the left shoulder.

My description might sounds confusing,but give it a try.
Here's another:
Meanwhile, here's the monk's robe pattern.

Measure the person across the shoulders and down the arms about four inches. That's measurement A. Measure him from nape to heel. That's B.

Secure four pieces of cloth (linen or wool are good) measuring A by B. Piece 1 is the back, pieces 2 and 3 are the fronts.

Divide piece 4 in three crosswise, so that you have three pieces A x B/3. These will be the sleeves and hood.

Attach 2 and 3 to 1 at the shoulders, leaving a reasonable amount of the center of 1 unsewn to provide enough neck room (a quick basting and try-on will help here). There will be lots of overlap in the fronts.

Fold each sleeve piece to find the center; match that to the shoulder seam; sew the sleeve on. Repeat. Sew the side seams.

Take the last third of piece 4, fold it in half, seam it on one side. That's the back of the hood, and is matched to the center back. Sew the bottom edge of the hood to the neckline part of the back and as far along the fronts as it will extend. This makes a very deep hood.

Hem the edges, unless you started with wool and fulled it in the washing machine, in which case you have a very *warm* habit whose edges are felted and don't need hemming.

Use a length of thick cotton rope for a belt.
I did, also, at some point, request _Sri Ramakrishna and his divine play_ from the library--san diego public--, to have it delivered to local branch.

Not speaking to grandma ann in response to any unpositive thing she says seems to be a good thing to do. It has been far better than engaging in any way. She tries to bait, in a way [By saying untrue/derogatory things, probably assuming I will correct her/protest].


So the monk's robe fun was around 4pm, and I got to cooking, eating, reading soon after that.

I got into the whole overeating, inside reading cycle again. Reeating.

But the "over" part was mostly squash and sweet potato, which is benign, somewhat, as these things go, compared to something like peanuts.


Part of this was a desire for a definite escape from self.

Another was boredom with routine??

Do something to mess up routine,

to totally forget self?


I sat yesterday mid-morning from a desire not to wonder, not to make choices, to be choiceless, to have a quiet mind.

I read, ate, for the same reason?

When reading, eating, I don't question the activity?

It is a kind of choiceless awareness--

or unawareness--


Some of the reading was very important in a certain scheme of things:
"Go into solitude and shut yourself in a cave. Peace is not there. Peace is where faith is, for faith is the root of all."

"Master if you had not come today, I would have concluded that you had not attained that supreme state of knowledge where praise and blame are equal, and that you could not be called a truly illumined soul."

"Stop that. Why talk of sin? He who repeatedly says, 'I am a worm, I am a worm,' becomes a worm. He, who thinks, 'I am free,' becomes free. Always have that positive attitude that you are free, and no sin will cling to you."'
Ramakrishna Monastery in San Diego
1440 Upas Street
San Diego, CA 92103-5129
Phone: (619) 291-9377

Visitors are welcome for scheduled activities. For all other visits, please call ahead.

Vespers daily at 6:00pm
Here, I managed to de-wilber (or post-wilber) myself in a way by reading this and related stuff by Kaslev (on the kheper site).

2238 if you grow (or escape living) by reading Wilber,
then grow again by reading Kaslev^^.

So, I probably will update my facebook profile at some point. Thank you Kaslev.


and I was also reading this on Ramana Maharshi:
jd: In a sense that is how he lived his whole life. He basically let his whole life happen.

In a way his whole life was a living example of total surrender to 'life taking its course'.


DG: I think the key word to understanding Bhagavan's [Maharshi's] behaviour is a Sanskrit term, sankalpa, which means 'will' or 'intention'. It means the resolve to follow a particular course of action or a decision to do something. That is a sankalpa. Bhagavan has said that this is what separates the enlightened being from the unenlightened.

He said unenlightened people are always full of sankalpas, full of decisions about what they're going to do next: how they are going to plan their lives; how they are going to change their current circumstances to benefit themselves the most in the long or the short-term future.

Bhagavan maintained that the true jnani has no desire whatsoever to accomplish anything in this world. Nothing arises in him that says, 'I must do this, I must be like this'.



Bhagavan himself said he never felt that he was a Guru in a Guru-disciple relationship with anyone. His public position was that he didn't have any disciples at all because, he said, from the perspective of the Self there was no one who was different or separate from him. Being the Self and knowing that the Self alone exists, he knew that there were no unenlightened people who needed to be enlightened. He said he only ever saw enlightened people around him.

Sooner or later even the dimmest of bulls will understand that, since there is a perpetual supply of tasty food in the stable, there is no point wandering around outside, because that always leads to sufferings and punishments. Even though the stable door is always open, the bull will eventually stay inside and enjoy the food that is always there. This is self-enquiry.

Bhagavan said that the way of restraint was the way of the yogi. Yogis try to achieve restraint by forcing the mind to be still. Self-enquiry gives the mind the option of wandering wherever it wants to, and it achieves its success by gently persuading the mind that it will always be happier staying at home.

So, those were some of the highlights of last night/early this morning.

I woke--the dream was a submarine battle in which the submarines were fighting to kill each other, but it was also like a team scrimmages--we were all on the same side. I was trying to get us to stop.

And went outside to find an opossum climbing up the scaffolding. . . or running away from doing that.


I am practicing being nice to animals.

So imagined how scared it might be, how its heart might be beating. (it could not run all the way away, so I could go up close, and did, briefly, when these thoughts occurred, and I decided to back off.).

I don't want to do anything to it anyways.


I don't know.

No plan.

Not even to follow god's word.

I don't want to walk across that highway--

or follow whatever that game is I was playing.

So I won't ask "what is god's will?" any more?

Oh I don't know.

2pm: help leslie, "your enchanted gardener," load up for a display he's doing downtown. He's a guy in the neighborhood with a curezone blog etc. And a sort of community house.


I may go swim after this and get to sitting and yoga. I don't know.

Much of the morning,
learning to turn sheet into monk's robe.

Much of the evening.



What now? Seriously.

I think things would happen from getting respirator, wearing robe, walking across highway, that would at least be different from my usual routine.

All that is left, really, is to get a respirator.

Maybe I will.

It seems that I only need to walk across once or twice, not the long, repeated thing I was imagining earlier.


And then I'll get to meditate again on "what is god's will?"


I don't know.

Maharshi's story (as I was reading it--see above links) is somewhat sobering. [not referring to the part I quoted, but to how a guy who did not want/intend to be idolized was idolized.]

Bhagavan maintained that the true jnani has no desire whatsoever to accomplish anything in this world. Nothing arises in him that says, 'I must do this, I must be like this'.

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

yoga before breakfast


so--I wrote.

I went to check email. Checked in with god's will: only check email--no posting of blog entry.

Returned and read Sri Aurobindo.

Then read more _Sri Ramakrishna and his divine play_.

(the book had been returned to its place by then)

about 5pm or so, walked to grandma ann's house.

Stopped by friend's house on way--she is gone for week--ate two dried fig (shells) I'd given her--mindlessly--and apologized.

Visited fig tree.

Came in house. Met grandma ann.

Ate a cup of soup she'd saved.

Began cooking dinner.

[had low, sort of loneliness feeling around this time--what am I doing? friends? love?]

Eventually read papers, ate.

Brushed teeth.

Lights out 830 or so.

Up at 450. Trimmed facial hair, brushed teeth.

began 7 laws yoga.

finished 7 laws yoga.

began cooking breakfast and writing this.


Most mindlessness was reading newspaper during evening.


I did not overeat yesterday evening.

I ate figs more mindfully than I have before.

I did yoga before eating.

This was the great thing of yesterday.

I did yoga first.

0746 right now--

I'm dealing with G. Ann having awakened and feeding cat.-- She makes noises, talks to cat.

I find these disturbing.

The accomplishment this morning was deciding to stay here, do sitting and yoga here-- not leave.

This meant I had to deal with morning sounds of neighbor (not bad this am), of apartment people leaving, and so on.


It meant I had to deal with distraction, or the environment here--

The cat I find annoying too, and had to be with my feelings about that. . . It tries to get stepped on, and at the worst of my bad moments I feel like giving it a kick.

I've decided that the thing to do is to not feel annoyance or malice--

To walk as I would walk and If I step on cat do so with out any feeling of ill will--as if I had not stepped on cat or was annoyed by cat.

Cat generally knows not to be in my path, but it likes to play it close.

If doors are closed, it bangs on them wanting to go in or out.

In colder weather, when it is nice to keep doors closed, this is tougher.


I made it through--

I sat for 35 min or so.

Not too special except for location and time of day.


This means I may have built in a healthy way to stay here in mornings--which gives me another option--in addition to leaving.


None really beyond what mentioned yesterday.

Just that reading Aurobindo may not help me much--


Post this, post yesterday's post. - - It is sort of nice to be behind on posting. Why post or not post?

In posting I do usually go over what I wrote at least once--this helps close the thinking/review for that interval/day.

No plan beyond that.

Maybe go back to school and read more _. . . divine play_.

Maybe try to do something about the rat in the garden.

Eat breakfast. Probably look at paper.

Maybe read. Change clothes.

No grand plan.

Am I caring for our body, mind, ground?


Monday, November 5, 2007

dynamic mantra generation, gratitude

[posted on 2007-11-06-0800]
07-11-5 11:45
Yesterday, a lifetime ago.--After sitting, I wrote in the warm classroom.

Leaving there around noon, I went to swim.

Leaving pool around 110pm, began 7laws yoga in gym, but did not finish beyond the mantras--

Oh- on way to pool I watched SDSU women's volleyball team playing in gym.

I was moved to tears watching the coordination, complexity of what both teams were doing.

I had never seen volleyball like that.

Now that I think--it is like the rugby practicers I see on the field near the pool--

Part of the vball excitement is that , perhaps, when both teams are so good, the ball just keeps going, it doesn't stop. Watching is one long moment of single-pointed mind, with a release when the ball does hit the ground.

Now why I cry-- and not go into samadhi like Ramakrishna. . .

Even so, I did not stay long.

After terminating yoga early--

checking in with what was next--

felt it was time to create--, so could upload pics or make some changes to blog.

That's my creative feeling, I guess.

On the way I picked natal plums to eat, thinking that would be enough. But then went to eat some (alot) of leftover beans I'd saved.

That, at least, did me till this morning--and while it did not not fit in stomach, it did cause dis-ease.

I went to upload photos--my fiddling the day before helped mind find a possible way to do it here--and it worked.

So I updated the garden blog and this one.

I changed the name of this blog from already enlightened to j9k.

I posted to the food not lawns list about my garden photos.

This took till 530 or so.

Then I went outside.

Then I went to read more _Sri Ramakrishna's Divine Play_, and did this till 9pm.

[Before that though, I ordered two tires and 1 tube from $26 or so. . .
But a lot of computer fiddling.

This will let me ride an upright bike I found more. I am more likely to ride that than my recumbent for short trips.]

Then I walked across highway and found a place to sleep.

I was up at 445 or so. Did see 3 coyotes in the night.

Then I went to a playground near an elementary school and did the whole 7laws yoga.

Law of the day is giving and receiving.

Maintain breath awareness.

Cultivate gratitude.

Recognize needs.

I sat-- not optimistic, but I stayed and stayed. Deepened practice.

Then walked by school as parents and students were arriving--8am.

Then to windmill farms grocery to get flax seeds, sunflower seeds, mushrooms, and that was mostly it.

[they need to create pedestrian access to parking lot along the west entrance to lot--no sidewalk or pedestrian stripes. I walk in road. While leaving, car came close. Felt anger.]

I sat nearby and ate.

I read vision magazine and lightline mag [the light connection] as well.

I checked in with god to see if it was god's will that I keep eating.

For a while I went against god's will, but, ultimately, ate much slower and more aware than usual,

and I still have at least half of the sunflower seeds I bought left--though I expected when I bought them I would eat them all.

Even though I repeatedly wanted to eat more later on, I did not.

Now, it is clear, even so, I did eat a bit too much.

This is how it works:

I eat, and get on [stuck on] that feeling.

Then I tend to like the re-eating feeling-- which, generally, means I ate too much.

Eventually the re-eating feeling is no longer desired, and is disruptive, so I either spit out the excess food when it comes up, perhaps saving it for later use in different ways.

Or I have to keep reswallowing it.

The food coming up/ being reswallowed is where dental/gum health is hurt.

--So that's the full story, or at least the most of it I've gotten out in one place.

So, I was reading, not eating any more--it was not god's will--

it was not really god's will that I read, but I was.

Whiffs of cigarette smoke got me to be on my way across the highway.

I came here, and finished reading the lightline.

It's "The Light Connection."

Now, there were many good things to read in these magazines, which once I wrote off as not my thing/too new agey.

I also found that someone has got the Sri Ramakrishna book--


Aurobindo is still here. I bet Yogananda is too.


Mindless moments--eating the beans for lunch.

Mindful: eating the sunflower seeds for breakfast, and continuing to check in to see if it was god's will to eat more.

And other moments.


During meditation I got to revising:

this is not? My background quality-->

Am I aware of ground?--

Thought of doing something like that for "An ethics that works"--

But then I quit that-- it was messing in thought-- and not sitting. . . Not being aware of ground or the gap or whatever it is I'm getting at.


I was doing well getting into the gap--

and liking it.

Then came up with a new game--

"Dynamic Mantra Generation"

When the gap is broken--, when thought, image, sensation draws attention--

use that as mantra until I realize attention has shifted again-- then use new focus as mantra. . .

I tried to play just now. . .

But got into a sort of no thought focus, and when did notice sensation, did not want to make that my mantra--

Another thing came up that I wrote down:

In a book at the local public library here which I found while browsing on one of those days long ago when I first started writing here, I believe,

_The book of highs_

I think is the title,

There are some memorable "highs" listed.

One had to do with "reciting the gettysburg address backwards while singing 'america', while counting backwards by twos from 100, all silently,"

Something along those lines--

As I was skimming, and reading the instructions alone had already overloaded my mind, I quickly left it.

But remembering it later has got me thinking of /wondering how much the mind could have going on at once. . .

Feynman and friends (the physicist) also played some games like this--

one trick they used was to visualize a tickertape with the numbers going by while also working on other mental tasks.


"This is our ground.
Am I aware of our ground?"


INSIGHTS (starting again)

[adding another here:
small breaks in morality do come back in meditation: a lie to grandma did come back. Instead of answering with the truth, though, for which she would harangue, may just not answer. She harangued me anyway--not believing or that being her intermediate goal--her real goal probably being to have meaningful communication with someone.

I spent a nickel to buy two brazil nuts today--from bulk--in order to keep up the small morality end of things. I first thought that foolish and was planning not to pay for those two. I respect that others can steal from corporations and feel that's ethical--but unless for me it came from soul, it will give mind one other thing to briefly distract me from soul with.]

The "asking if it is god's will" thing came from reading Ramakrishna last night.

In one story, a playwright/actor devotee [Girish] was getting instruction, but he was not committing to each progressively less demanding instruction Ramakrishna was giving.

This guy was so wrapped up in worldly attachments he feared making any commitment--and did not want to make a commitment he would break to RK.

RK then said, "Well, then, give me your power of attorney."

In effect: don't worry about a thing--give me complete responsibility for you.

The devotee, so so relieved, did this.

But as a result, he ended up thinking of RK in his every action--

"Is what I do now in RK's will?" and so on.


Another happening-- in reading vision mag--& the light connection--

and considering the 7laws law of the day, giving and receiving--

it was odd how (or natural) how tailored my reading should seem to that law. . .

First I focused on food-related stuff-- by writer(s) I met through Food Not Lawns--

Jennifer Jo wrote about:

One World, everybody eats

a restaurant/cafe now operating via gift economy.

--somewhere in there, too, I read about a black woman who moved from forgiveness and acceptance to:

gratitude every day, every hour--leaving no room for anything else except love--

and that was why people thought she was 70, not 92.

Remember one of the activating principles of the day--Cultivate Gratitude.

And I practiced this while walking back across the highway--an easy time not to be feeling love. (making self older in the result)

A new urban-buddhist discipline:

Walking meditation back and forth across the highway overpass, stopping to wait for and to cross with the traffic signals at the ends. . .

Forced humility in face of the cars--

and accept it all--and the breathing of exhaust--and the sound of cars, trucks revving--


Not anything I would want to do though.--doubt it is god's will--not caring for the walkers' individual bodies at least. . . [unless they wore respirators?--imagine monks in robes wearing respirators walking back and forth across the overpass, stopping at the traffic signals, then crossing, then turning around, going back]


So I practiced feeling gratitude--

that I could walk--

that there was so much material wealth around--

(don't know that I mustered much more)


Now, writing here is getting a bit drawn out--

long to write--and if anyone reads this--I imagine a bit tedious for them--

But that gratitude practice,

and that "If god wills it" approach to eating,

are examples of what gets reinforced/cemented by taking the time to stop, to reflect back like this.

I would have let the bicycle tire buying and related computer fiddling slip if it weren't for this.

Also, I believe Steiner in _Knowledge of Higher Worlds and Its Attainment_ recommends reflection like this-- to develop independence and freedom of thought, perhaps.


Now I'll just list things from the vision mag and the light connection reading that maybe someday I'll follow up if I'm in a seeking mood.
peace pies - in San Diego or try google

_Bragg healthy Lifestyle_ book
Michael Bernard Beckwith (she's a typical example of what would make me put down these mags--my bias against a white-turbaned, jeweled, blissed-out looking white woman, selling concert tickets-- a peace concert, but now--I take the time to take a closer look--that, and she's at USD--one of the venues--and she had great things to say in an interview, included in the mag, and the concert is part of the "Department of Peace" effort--supported by steve hays--the light line publisher, and Jennifer Jo) re gum health-- probably not a help--was an ad-- but I made a note. Water piks I value, but one I got recently clogged , and an older one ,that I use, spurts water at me from the hose. - one of the writers


So this here encourages a bit of babble.

Web browsing.

--if ask and god wills it.

Am I
caring for our body, mind, ground?



Will return to grandma ann's house this afternoon. Cook something, I bet.

I got a bunch of brussel sprouts. . .

Will read a bit.

May post this--may get on inet to see something about tire order.


May try to get _SRK's divine play_ so I could check it out and not miss it.

Will I weights, swim?



Now focusing on small, base virtue of learning to eat mindfully, amounts that will stay in stomach.

This is aided by sitting and by doing the 7 laws yoga--

And by cultivating that connection with a different level of joy, being focus--

represented by ramakrishna's samadhi,
by Aurobindo's Soul.

Rather than the focus on the sense joy of a full stomach and on the pleasure of chewing, swallowing.

Succeeding there reduced the disruption, limitation overeating has been giving me.

Succeeding means more freedom of thought and attention,

more "transparency to the divine"

More guiding from "soul"


Practicing constant gratitude--

protects me--


All this can enable larger virtue.


what that would be?