Saturday, November 10, 2007


I spent most of yesterday reading _sri ramakrishna and his divine play_ and popping corn, microwaving sweet potatoes and eating them, and reading stuff from internet.

In evening, I got out, walked to state, swam, did weights (!), a bit of yoga, speedbagging, treadmill, stairmaster :)> some things I've never done there before.

I had eaten a bit too much popcorn. Walked home, checked on cat. Got peanuts. Read, ate late into night.

In the evening I was reading
Linked to from the kheper site.

It appears to be entirely by Ray Posner. It is odd. He gives many examples which come from his own life (I'm guessing), but he attributes them to others. He interviews himself (I'm guessing). He has generated an enormous amount of text.

I cannot forget his using of his spiritual principles in order to locate the nearest place to buy a particular kind of candy bar!

His glowing description of an associate's (his own, I'm guessing) visit to San Diego made me !!. He is on a different plane than I.

0933 The main point, though, is this.
on this massive page
, I found a helpful pointer that addresses my question of the previous day, "How can I live from soul?"

One pasting hodge podge doesn't really deserve another. But here's some points from that page I pasted in my notes for further examination.

Before that, though, let me--in text--, let us--in person, in soul--, give metta, devotion, loving-kindness to Ray Posner (to Aurobindo, to Alfassa, and on).

Learn from a Discussion
Our goal should not be to win a debate, but to learn from the discussion. Inner Silence, silent Will, and taking the other person's point of view are spiritual techniques that will certainly go a long way to achieving this goal.

How then do we consecrate? It is actually rather simple. Before we begin any activity -- such as reading an email or meeting with a new client -- we can pause for a moment, concentrate ourselves within until we are somewhat still, and offer that which we are about to undertake to the Higher Power.

Note: there are three central spiritual methods of connecting to the Spirit are Consecration, Moving to the Depths, and Surrender. Consecration is to open to the Force before engaging in an activity. Moving to the Depths (or Concentration) is a movement away from the surface existence to a deeper existence within. In the deepest depths one discovers the Personal Evolving Soul. Surrender is to offer all one's work, one's life to the Divine Force and Intent. (It occurs generally after one has connected with the Personal Evolving Soul.) The recommended approach for the average person is to begin consecrating every act to enable magnificent results, and over time move the consciousness into the depths, which will enable better consecration. When you reach the Evolving Soul in the depths, then you can begin a life of Surrender to the Divine.]

Normally, when we take up an activity, we just do it. Usually there is some thought involved, perhaps some planning, a certain will to achieve, and the physical effort to make it happen. This is the way we normally accomplish our objectives in life. However, if we choose to live a spirit-oriented existence, this approach will not suffice. In a spirit-oriented life, actions are taken not merely for our own sake, but for the Divine's sake -- fulfilling Its will, purpose, and intent. When we focus our intention to accomplishing an act for that Higher Purpose, we are in essence consecrating the act. When we do, stunning developments are likely to follow, as the act is infused with the spiritual powers of the Divine. Consecration in this way is then the central method that distinguishes a spirit-oriented existence from an ordinary one.

How then do we consecrate? It is actually rather simple. Before we begin any activity -- such as reading an email or meeting with a new client -- we can pause for a moment, concentrate ourselves within until we are somewhat still, and offer that which we are about to undertake to the Higher Power. When we do so, we not only give what we are about to embark on greater purpose and meaning, but what takes place thereafter will tend to have the stamp of the Divine action upon it. The act that we have consecrated will tend to unfold better, as positive situations and circumstance unexpectedly arise; where previously problematic circumstances will begin to dissipate; and where a feeling of calm and well-being will permeate the atmosphere. In other words, by consecrating the activity, life will begin to cooperate from all quarters. It is the power of the spiritual Force in action.

At a later stage, you will feel not only this sense of wonder, but begin to develop a certain desire to surrender to this Power. You will begin to see that you are making the effort at consecration not so much for your own personal achievement and success, but to fulfill the Divine purpose and intent. You will begin to feel that you are becoming an instrument through which the Divine Intention and Will can flow. At that point, you may begin to surrender you very life's purpose and existence to the Divine. Then your own individual soul purpose and the Divine purpose will begin to merge. Such spiritual experience and realization in the activities of life is perhaps the greatest joy known to Man.


What Consecration Means

Consecration means REMEMBERING God before doing anything. Think of God and then speak. Think of God and then eat. That is consecrating speech or eating. To consecrate a sentence is to think of [the Divine] Mother before speaking that sentence. Some intricate problems give way and are solved. (MSS)

-A powerful beginning of consecration is possible only when the WILL is stronger than the urge for thought or sensation.


Access the Force to Enable Our Ultimate Transformation

For those who wished to undertake the effort, Sri Aurobindo laid out a path from our current human functioning to a new evolutionary spiritual-based functioning; rooted in this new supramental consciousness aspect of the Divine, God. Instead of merely opening to the Force to bring about sudden, abundant life response, one could also open to it to totally transform our mental, vital, and physical nature into their higher counterparts.


Bringing the Spirit to earth is a greater spiritual goal.


We must learn to rely only on the Divine Grace and to call for its help in all circumstances; then it will work out constant miracles. (The Mother)



Then, for those further along the path, one can practice the method of surrender to the Higher Will. With this approach one does not will for anything of one's own, or try to insure the outcome of something through an offering to a higher power. One simply and continually opens and gives one's self to the spirit, for It own sake; and the spirit moves the outer world as it seems fit. At this point one lives for the Divine purpose in life, not one's own.

(Sri Aurobindo, from The Synthesis of Yoga, chapter "Self Consecration")

-A man met his uncle every few years, and each time it turned contentious or tense when discussing politics and family matters. This time he decided to withdraw any expectation or negative feeling, and consecrated the event deeply. Everything went perfectly in the meeting, without any hostility, tenseness; with joy, harmony, including many positive sub life responses. Wherever we went people cooperated, places cooperated, everything was joyous, smooth, with perfect execution.



[Note: there are three central spiritual methods of connecting to the Spirit are Consecration, Moving to the Depths, and Surrender. Consecration is to open to the Force before engaging in an activity. Moving to the Depths (or Concentration) is a movement away from the surface existence to a deeper existence within. In the deepest depths one discovers the Personal Evolving Soul. Surrender is to offer all one's work, one's life to the Divine Force and Intent. (It occurs generally after one has connected with the Personal Evolving Soul.) The recommended approach for the average person is to begin consecrating every act to enable magnificent results, and over time move the consciousness into the depths, which will enable better consecration. When you reach the Evolving Soul in the depths, then you can begin a life of Surrender to the Divine.]


When we center ourselves within in our daily activities we reduce the tendency to drink, take drugs, smoke, overeat, to be tense, to seek intensity, etc. What could be more immediately practical?

Living within is concentration. Opening to the Force "without" is consecration. Concentration enables better (i.e. deeper, more frequent) concentration. Results and benefits of greater consecration can energize one to live even more within and its ever-accelerating benefits, including the potential to burst through to one's personal evolving soul.


Spiritual Persons Do Not Punish; They Wait for Culprit to Come Forward
If you are spiritual, you should not punish others. You should consider their shortcomings as your own. To protect their defects until they come forward on their own to change themselves is a spiritual requirement. [PS You can invoke that coming forward of the culprit through inner mean.] (MSS, with addition in brackets)

Spiritual Persons Do Not Assert
One who is spiritually inclined should not assert. (MSS)

Be Good to One Who is Evil
To be good to a person who is good to us is not difficult. To be good to a person who is evil to us is not easily possible. It may not be necessary for the outer life. However, it is necessary for inner integrity. (MSS)

Life Rewards Your Inner, Not Outer Behavior
Life rewards not your behaviour, but what you are inwardly. It is not enough you are humble in public or private, because it is only a behaviour.

Invoke the Spirit, call in Mother, be quiet, practice Silent Will, resort to Faith, give up all reliance of capacity, things will go smoothly. (MSS)

Shade Needs Light, but Light Needs Not Shade
Shade needs light; light is not dependent on shade. Sri Aurobindo said the higher consciousness does not need the lower human consciousness, while the lower cannot exist without the higher. (MSS)

What else. Ray may have a hand in this as well:

I'll be checking out a bit of Consecration Mag as well.

I consecrate this typing here.



Go to La Mesa, pick up tires to fix upright bike.

eventually go exercise at sdsu--swim, etc.

Maybe work on catching the rat.

Read more ramakrishna.


Note that all the consecration stuff on Posner's site finds as its source Aurobindo's yoga. (Sri Aurobindo, from The Synthesis of Yoga, chapter "Self Consecration")

0955 I just wanted to post here. I'd like to do you a service by presenting a concise, helpful version of the principles around consecration.

I'll use these posts as a sort of notepad.

If I come up with helpful syntheses, I'll put them at "What I have to show."


1005. How is it I'm speaking of soul here, when not long ago, in sharing with Grammie what I'd learned from Goenka about what the buddha taught, I said "There's nothing like that." when she asked about soul?


Friday, November 9, 2007

divinisation of the body; the lethargy, apathy, asocial quietism of the supreme enlightened

For a day I did not write this, and who knows how often from now on.

I posted the previous post. I don't remember what I did then. (I think I went back to sleep)

Eventually I went to the Kroc Center, swam, and then went upstairs. I was on a rowing machine for a while--one with swirling water for resistance. Then, first time in my life, I went on some of the exercise machines. I did this for an hour+ And watched the panels of tvs for a while--first time in my life. A fighting match: the contender.

Then I went out and rested on a big foam pad.

Then I left kroc center and sat in canyon/backyard/iceplant, and napped.

Then (2pm) I went by friend's house and let cat out (friend is gone).

Then I went to help Leslie pack for his display at a pacific symposium of herbalists/healers at the catamaran hotel in pacific beach.

That was a good part of the day.

I was physically weak at the beginning and needed some exercise.

I met some good people.

Then I left, let cat in, and, I think, stayed up late reading stuff, inside again.

Then. . . waking up. Ate--alot. Seemed to be recovering from some poor digestion the day before.

then, eventually, left (11am?). Picked up book from library. Walked to state. Swam. Went to ARC. Sat. After attempting to lift weights--

but was feeling low energy, and said this will not work.


In morning, I had this question:

"How do I live from soul?"

"care for body"

That, following Arobindo's "divinisation of matter."


So, I seem to be cured from the desire to write here.

The plan from here on out:

Care for body, divinise body--wherever that leads.

Maybe I'll write here for some other purpose than I have been.

If things get bad so that I find myself not liking living, I'll use this again to help me watch and see what's up.

--- I've been sedating self with popcorn--

But in a fairly harmless if mindless way.


Basically, I've been becoming so wimpy, [?, maybe not]

That it's clear I'm not divinising my own matter. . .

--I've also been reading a lot more of Alan Kazlev's site, to learn more about Aurobindo and other things,

and just to escape self, life (perhaps, perhaps not).

Here's some quotes from what I read yesterday:

The problem is that the supreme enlightened ( so far we can ascertain ) are not very creative, let alone dwelling on the summit of such activity. On the contrary, one might cynically observe that trademarks of vita unitiva/sahaja samadhi/baqa, judging from lives of Ramana Maharshi, legendary Bodhidharma or Suso are lethargy, apathy or asocial quietism. The fact that a few realized mystics were also powerful and charismatic writers ( Rumi, Angelus Silesius, Sri Aurobindo,..) doesn't alter the sobering truth: creativity, as we are used to understand the meaning of this word, is a specific activity of struggling human beings doomed to subject-object relational isolation. In this sense, neither God, nor the God-realized humans present epitomes of creativity.
we are matter in the process of being divinised / manifesting soul.

Unfortunately, you really need the Collected Works and the Agenda to appreciate the depth of power of Mirra's teachings. The compilations that are usually presented are simple, nonthreatening aphorisms and quotes. Inspiring, sure, but no different to any other spiritual teacher. As a starting point I would suggest, at the very least, the small book Conversations, being a record of some of her early Ashram talks in 1929
“Interpretation always presupposes a spiritual communion between the interpreter and the subject he seeks to interpret. This becomes imperative when one seeks to interpret a culture, a way of thought, or a thing of the Spirit. A process of saturation, resulting in a participation mystique, must set in before the eyes are ready to see and the mind to grasp.” (Italics added for emphasis. From S. Radhakrishnan et. al., eds., The Cultural Heritage of India, Vol. 1, p. 326.)

Swami Muktananda's _Play of Consciousness_;



no plan--

but ask, as I have occasionally been:

"How do I live from soul?"

No plan other than that.

0602. One of my sisters is getting married this weekend. I've done nothing other than this. I won't be going (it is on the east coast). FYI.

"How do I live from soul?"


Wednesday, November 7, 2007

sankalpas, god's will

I posted, then did stuff on net for a while. Till 940?

That was it in the computer until 3pm.

I was not sure what to do.

Set up a spot outside and just sat there.--First, eating, looking at paper.

Then, not knowing what to do, just sat.

Then, took a nap, looked at clouds.

Eventually I got to asking repeatedly, "what is god's will?"

Here's something related to that:

Gurus and God

A few comments about Gurus and God.

Gurus coming from the Eastern (Indian) traditions always talk about God (even those who do not claim to be God). Misunderstandings can arise here though because in the word "God" is generally used by most Indian-based Guru-movements - e.g. Muktananda's Siddha Yoga, Guru Maharaji's "Divine Light Mission", Rajneesh/Osho, Sri Chimnoy, Swami Satchidananda, Sri Sri Aandamurti's "Ananda Marga", Satya Sai Baba, etc - to designate an impersonal Absolute Reality synonymous with one's inner being (Atman), rather than a supernatural Creator in the Theistic sense.
Well I thought I had an answer, eventually-- sort of by asking yes no questions:

Tomorrow (or asap): walk across highway with a respirator in a light-colored robe.

I had other answers.

It seems I'm not, at this point, planning to follow them--another was, "eat only what fits in pot 2x/day."

I did, however, get as far as looking into how to make the robe.

Here's one I did try, with some success [I used a sheet I got from the thrift store which I was thinking of wearing and going on alms round in La Jolla]:

I was a novice monk and had lots of trouble putting on the robes.I will try my best to help.

1.For the 'skirt',wear it like the Indian sarong.This is the easy one.

2.For the robe to wrap round the body;from the edge of the robe,fold six folds of about 15cm.

3.With the left hand holding the edge of the robe (with the folds) and the right hand holding the edge without the fold,put the robe over the shoulder.

4.The right hand then moved the robe around the neck and tuck in the robe over the left shoulder.

5.With the left hand still holding the edge with the folds,flick and reverse the robe over the left shoulder.

My description might sounds confusing,but give it a try.
Here's another:
Meanwhile, here's the monk's robe pattern.

Measure the person across the shoulders and down the arms about four inches. That's measurement A. Measure him from nape to heel. That's B.

Secure four pieces of cloth (linen or wool are good) measuring A by B. Piece 1 is the back, pieces 2 and 3 are the fronts.

Divide piece 4 in three crosswise, so that you have three pieces A x B/3. These will be the sleeves and hood.

Attach 2 and 3 to 1 at the shoulders, leaving a reasonable amount of the center of 1 unsewn to provide enough neck room (a quick basting and try-on will help here). There will be lots of overlap in the fronts.

Fold each sleeve piece to find the center; match that to the shoulder seam; sew the sleeve on. Repeat. Sew the side seams.

Take the last third of piece 4, fold it in half, seam it on one side. That's the back of the hood, and is matched to the center back. Sew the bottom edge of the hood to the neckline part of the back and as far along the fronts as it will extend. This makes a very deep hood.

Hem the edges, unless you started with wool and fulled it in the washing machine, in which case you have a very *warm* habit whose edges are felted and don't need hemming.

Use a length of thick cotton rope for a belt.
I did, also, at some point, request _Sri Ramakrishna and his divine play_ from the library--san diego public--, to have it delivered to local branch.

Not speaking to grandma ann in response to any unpositive thing she says seems to be a good thing to do. It has been far better than engaging in any way. She tries to bait, in a way [By saying untrue/derogatory things, probably assuming I will correct her/protest].


So the monk's robe fun was around 4pm, and I got to cooking, eating, reading soon after that.

I got into the whole overeating, inside reading cycle again. Reeating.

But the "over" part was mostly squash and sweet potato, which is benign, somewhat, as these things go, compared to something like peanuts.


Part of this was a desire for a definite escape from self.

Another was boredom with routine??

Do something to mess up routine,

to totally forget self?


I sat yesterday mid-morning from a desire not to wonder, not to make choices, to be choiceless, to have a quiet mind.

I read, ate, for the same reason?

When reading, eating, I don't question the activity?

It is a kind of choiceless awareness--

or unawareness--


Some of the reading was very important in a certain scheme of things:
"Go into solitude and shut yourself in a cave. Peace is not there. Peace is where faith is, for faith is the root of all."

"Master if you had not come today, I would have concluded that you had not attained that supreme state of knowledge where praise and blame are equal, and that you could not be called a truly illumined soul."

"Stop that. Why talk of sin? He who repeatedly says, 'I am a worm, I am a worm,' becomes a worm. He, who thinks, 'I am free,' becomes free. Always have that positive attitude that you are free, and no sin will cling to you."'
Ramakrishna Monastery in San Diego
1440 Upas Street
San Diego, CA 92103-5129
Phone: (619) 291-9377

Visitors are welcome for scheduled activities. For all other visits, please call ahead.

Vespers daily at 6:00pm
Here, I managed to de-wilber (or post-wilber) myself in a way by reading this and related stuff by Kaslev (on the kheper site).

2238 if you grow (or escape living) by reading Wilber,
then grow again by reading Kaslev^^.

So, I probably will update my facebook profile at some point. Thank you Kaslev.


and I was also reading this on Ramana Maharshi:
jd: In a sense that is how he lived his whole life. He basically let his whole life happen.

In a way his whole life was a living example of total surrender to 'life taking its course'.


DG: I think the key word to understanding Bhagavan's [Maharshi's] behaviour is a Sanskrit term, sankalpa, which means 'will' or 'intention'. It means the resolve to follow a particular course of action or a decision to do something. That is a sankalpa. Bhagavan has said that this is what separates the enlightened being from the unenlightened.

He said unenlightened people are always full of sankalpas, full of decisions about what they're going to do next: how they are going to plan their lives; how they are going to change their current circumstances to benefit themselves the most in the long or the short-term future.

Bhagavan maintained that the true jnani has no desire whatsoever to accomplish anything in this world. Nothing arises in him that says, 'I must do this, I must be like this'.



Bhagavan himself said he never felt that he was a Guru in a Guru-disciple relationship with anyone. His public position was that he didn't have any disciples at all because, he said, from the perspective of the Self there was no one who was different or separate from him. Being the Self and knowing that the Self alone exists, he knew that there were no unenlightened people who needed to be enlightened. He said he only ever saw enlightened people around him.

Sooner or later even the dimmest of bulls will understand that, since there is a perpetual supply of tasty food in the stable, there is no point wandering around outside, because that always leads to sufferings and punishments. Even though the stable door is always open, the bull will eventually stay inside and enjoy the food that is always there. This is self-enquiry.

Bhagavan said that the way of restraint was the way of the yogi. Yogis try to achieve restraint by forcing the mind to be still. Self-enquiry gives the mind the option of wandering wherever it wants to, and it achieves its success by gently persuading the mind that it will always be happier staying at home.

So, those were some of the highlights of last night/early this morning.

I woke--the dream was a submarine battle in which the submarines were fighting to kill each other, but it was also like a team scrimmages--we were all on the same side. I was trying to get us to stop.

And went outside to find an opossum climbing up the scaffolding. . . or running away from doing that.


I am practicing being nice to animals.

So imagined how scared it might be, how its heart might be beating. (it could not run all the way away, so I could go up close, and did, briefly, when these thoughts occurred, and I decided to back off.).

I don't want to do anything to it anyways.


I don't know.

No plan.

Not even to follow god's word.

I don't want to walk across that highway--

or follow whatever that game is I was playing.

So I won't ask "what is god's will?" any more?

Oh I don't know.

2pm: help leslie, "your enchanted gardener," load up for a display he's doing downtown. He's a guy in the neighborhood with a curezone blog etc. And a sort of community house.


I may go swim after this and get to sitting and yoga. I don't know.

Much of the morning,
learning to turn sheet into monk's robe.

Much of the evening.



What now? Seriously.

I think things would happen from getting respirator, wearing robe, walking across highway, that would at least be different from my usual routine.

All that is left, really, is to get a respirator.

Maybe I will.

It seems that I only need to walk across once or twice, not the long, repeated thing I was imagining earlier.


And then I'll get to meditate again on "what is god's will?"


I don't know.

Maharshi's story (as I was reading it--see above links) is somewhat sobering. [not referring to the part I quoted, but to how a guy who did not want/intend to be idolized was idolized.]

Bhagavan maintained that the true jnani has no desire whatsoever to accomplish anything in this world. Nothing arises in him that says, 'I must do this, I must be like this'.

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

yoga before breakfast


so--I wrote.

I went to check email. Checked in with god's will: only check email--no posting of blog entry.

Returned and read Sri Aurobindo.

Then read more _Sri Ramakrishna and his divine play_.

(the book had been returned to its place by then)

about 5pm or so, walked to grandma ann's house.

Stopped by friend's house on way--she is gone for week--ate two dried fig (shells) I'd given her--mindlessly--and apologized.

Visited fig tree.

Came in house. Met grandma ann.

Ate a cup of soup she'd saved.

Began cooking dinner.

[had low, sort of loneliness feeling around this time--what am I doing? friends? love?]

Eventually read papers, ate.

Brushed teeth.

Lights out 830 or so.

Up at 450. Trimmed facial hair, brushed teeth.

began 7 laws yoga.

finished 7 laws yoga.

began cooking breakfast and writing this.


Most mindlessness was reading newspaper during evening.


I did not overeat yesterday evening.

I ate figs more mindfully than I have before.

I did yoga before eating.

This was the great thing of yesterday.

I did yoga first.

0746 right now--

I'm dealing with G. Ann having awakened and feeding cat.-- She makes noises, talks to cat.

I find these disturbing.

The accomplishment this morning was deciding to stay here, do sitting and yoga here-- not leave.

This meant I had to deal with morning sounds of neighbor (not bad this am), of apartment people leaving, and so on.


It meant I had to deal with distraction, or the environment here--

The cat I find annoying too, and had to be with my feelings about that. . . It tries to get stepped on, and at the worst of my bad moments I feel like giving it a kick.

I've decided that the thing to do is to not feel annoyance or malice--

To walk as I would walk and If I step on cat do so with out any feeling of ill will--as if I had not stepped on cat or was annoyed by cat.

Cat generally knows not to be in my path, but it likes to play it close.

If doors are closed, it bangs on them wanting to go in or out.

In colder weather, when it is nice to keep doors closed, this is tougher.


I made it through--

I sat for 35 min or so.

Not too special except for location and time of day.


This means I may have built in a healthy way to stay here in mornings--which gives me another option--in addition to leaving.


None really beyond what mentioned yesterday.

Just that reading Aurobindo may not help me much--


Post this, post yesterday's post. - - It is sort of nice to be behind on posting. Why post or not post?

In posting I do usually go over what I wrote at least once--this helps close the thinking/review for that interval/day.

No plan beyond that.

Maybe go back to school and read more _. . . divine play_.

Maybe try to do something about the rat in the garden.

Eat breakfast. Probably look at paper.

Maybe read. Change clothes.

No grand plan.

Am I caring for our body, mind, ground?


Monday, November 5, 2007

dynamic mantra generation, gratitude

[posted on 2007-11-06-0800]
07-11-5 11:45
Yesterday, a lifetime ago.--After sitting, I wrote in the warm classroom.

Leaving there around noon, I went to swim.

Leaving pool around 110pm, began 7laws yoga in gym, but did not finish beyond the mantras--

Oh- on way to pool I watched SDSU women's volleyball team playing in gym.

I was moved to tears watching the coordination, complexity of what both teams were doing.

I had never seen volleyball like that.

Now that I think--it is like the rugby practicers I see on the field near the pool--

Part of the vball excitement is that , perhaps, when both teams are so good, the ball just keeps going, it doesn't stop. Watching is one long moment of single-pointed mind, with a release when the ball does hit the ground.

Now why I cry-- and not go into samadhi like Ramakrishna. . .

Even so, I did not stay long.

After terminating yoga early--

checking in with what was next--

felt it was time to create--, so could upload pics or make some changes to blog.

That's my creative feeling, I guess.

On the way I picked natal plums to eat, thinking that would be enough. But then went to eat some (alot) of leftover beans I'd saved.

That, at least, did me till this morning--and while it did not not fit in stomach, it did cause dis-ease.

I went to upload photos--my fiddling the day before helped mind find a possible way to do it here--and it worked.

So I updated the garden blog and this one.

I changed the name of this blog from already enlightened to j9k.

I posted to the food not lawns list about my garden photos.

This took till 530 or so.

Then I went outside.

Then I went to read more _Sri Ramakrishna's Divine Play_, and did this till 9pm.

[Before that though, I ordered two tires and 1 tube from $26 or so. . .
But a lot of computer fiddling.

This will let me ride an upright bike I found more. I am more likely to ride that than my recumbent for short trips.]

Then I walked across highway and found a place to sleep.

I was up at 445 or so. Did see 3 coyotes in the night.

Then I went to a playground near an elementary school and did the whole 7laws yoga.

Law of the day is giving and receiving.

Maintain breath awareness.

Cultivate gratitude.

Recognize needs.

I sat-- not optimistic, but I stayed and stayed. Deepened practice.

Then walked by school as parents and students were arriving--8am.

Then to windmill farms grocery to get flax seeds, sunflower seeds, mushrooms, and that was mostly it.

[they need to create pedestrian access to parking lot along the west entrance to lot--no sidewalk or pedestrian stripes. I walk in road. While leaving, car came close. Felt anger.]

I sat nearby and ate.

I read vision magazine and lightline mag [the light connection] as well.

I checked in with god to see if it was god's will that I keep eating.

For a while I went against god's will, but, ultimately, ate much slower and more aware than usual,

and I still have at least half of the sunflower seeds I bought left--though I expected when I bought them I would eat them all.

Even though I repeatedly wanted to eat more later on, I did not.

Now, it is clear, even so, I did eat a bit too much.

This is how it works:

I eat, and get on [stuck on] that feeling.

Then I tend to like the re-eating feeling-- which, generally, means I ate too much.

Eventually the re-eating feeling is no longer desired, and is disruptive, so I either spit out the excess food when it comes up, perhaps saving it for later use in different ways.

Or I have to keep reswallowing it.

The food coming up/ being reswallowed is where dental/gum health is hurt.

--So that's the full story, or at least the most of it I've gotten out in one place.

So, I was reading, not eating any more--it was not god's will--

it was not really god's will that I read, but I was.

Whiffs of cigarette smoke got me to be on my way across the highway.

I came here, and finished reading the lightline.

It's "The Light Connection."

Now, there were many good things to read in these magazines, which once I wrote off as not my thing/too new agey.

I also found that someone has got the Sri Ramakrishna book--


Aurobindo is still here. I bet Yogananda is too.


Mindless moments--eating the beans for lunch.

Mindful: eating the sunflower seeds for breakfast, and continuing to check in to see if it was god's will to eat more.

And other moments.


During meditation I got to revising:

this is not? My background quality-->

Am I aware of ground?--

Thought of doing something like that for "An ethics that works"--

But then I quit that-- it was messing in thought-- and not sitting. . . Not being aware of ground or the gap or whatever it is I'm getting at.


I was doing well getting into the gap--

and liking it.

Then came up with a new game--

"Dynamic Mantra Generation"

When the gap is broken--, when thought, image, sensation draws attention--

use that as mantra until I realize attention has shifted again-- then use new focus as mantra. . .

I tried to play just now. . .

But got into a sort of no thought focus, and when did notice sensation, did not want to make that my mantra--

Another thing came up that I wrote down:

In a book at the local public library here which I found while browsing on one of those days long ago when I first started writing here, I believe,

_The book of highs_

I think is the title,

There are some memorable "highs" listed.

One had to do with "reciting the gettysburg address backwards while singing 'america', while counting backwards by twos from 100, all silently,"

Something along those lines--

As I was skimming, and reading the instructions alone had already overloaded my mind, I quickly left it.

But remembering it later has got me thinking of /wondering how much the mind could have going on at once. . .

Feynman and friends (the physicist) also played some games like this--

one trick they used was to visualize a tickertape with the numbers going by while also working on other mental tasks.


"This is our ground.
Am I aware of our ground?"


INSIGHTS (starting again)

[adding another here:
small breaks in morality do come back in meditation: a lie to grandma did come back. Instead of answering with the truth, though, for which she would harangue, may just not answer. She harangued me anyway--not believing or that being her intermediate goal--her real goal probably being to have meaningful communication with someone.

I spent a nickel to buy two brazil nuts today--from bulk--in order to keep up the small morality end of things. I first thought that foolish and was planning not to pay for those two. I respect that others can steal from corporations and feel that's ethical--but unless for me it came from soul, it will give mind one other thing to briefly distract me from soul with.]

The "asking if it is god's will" thing came from reading Ramakrishna last night.

In one story, a playwright/actor devotee [Girish] was getting instruction, but he was not committing to each progressively less demanding instruction Ramakrishna was giving.

This guy was so wrapped up in worldly attachments he feared making any commitment--and did not want to make a commitment he would break to RK.

RK then said, "Well, then, give me your power of attorney."

In effect: don't worry about a thing--give me complete responsibility for you.

The devotee, so so relieved, did this.

But as a result, he ended up thinking of RK in his every action--

"Is what I do now in RK's will?" and so on.


Another happening-- in reading vision mag--& the light connection--

and considering the 7laws law of the day, giving and receiving--

it was odd how (or natural) how tailored my reading should seem to that law. . .

First I focused on food-related stuff-- by writer(s) I met through Food Not Lawns--

Jennifer Jo wrote about:

One World, everybody eats

a restaurant/cafe now operating via gift economy.

--somewhere in there, too, I read about a black woman who moved from forgiveness and acceptance to:

gratitude every day, every hour--leaving no room for anything else except love--

and that was why people thought she was 70, not 92.

Remember one of the activating principles of the day--Cultivate Gratitude.

And I practiced this while walking back across the highway--an easy time not to be feeling love. (making self older in the result)

A new urban-buddhist discipline:

Walking meditation back and forth across the highway overpass, stopping to wait for and to cross with the traffic signals at the ends. . .

Forced humility in face of the cars--

and accept it all--and the breathing of exhaust--and the sound of cars, trucks revving--


Not anything I would want to do though.--doubt it is god's will--not caring for the walkers' individual bodies at least. . . [unless they wore respirators?--imagine monks in robes wearing respirators walking back and forth across the overpass, stopping at the traffic signals, then crossing, then turning around, going back]


So I practiced feeling gratitude--

that I could walk--

that there was so much material wealth around--

(don't know that I mustered much more)


Now, writing here is getting a bit drawn out--

long to write--and if anyone reads this--I imagine a bit tedious for them--

But that gratitude practice,

and that "If god wills it" approach to eating,

are examples of what gets reinforced/cemented by taking the time to stop, to reflect back like this.

I would have let the bicycle tire buying and related computer fiddling slip if it weren't for this.

Also, I believe Steiner in _Knowledge of Higher Worlds and Its Attainment_ recommends reflection like this-- to develop independence and freedom of thought, perhaps.


Now I'll just list things from the vision mag and the light connection reading that maybe someday I'll follow up if I'm in a seeking mood.
peace pies - in San Diego or try google

_Bragg healthy Lifestyle_ book
Michael Bernard Beckwith (she's a typical example of what would make me put down these mags--my bias against a white-turbaned, jeweled, blissed-out looking white woman, selling concert tickets-- a peace concert, but now--I take the time to take a closer look--that, and she's at USD--one of the venues--and she had great things to say in an interview, included in the mag, and the concert is part of the "Department of Peace" effort--supported by steve hays--the light line publisher, and Jennifer Jo) re gum health-- probably not a help--was an ad-- but I made a note. Water piks I value, but one I got recently clogged , and an older one ,that I use, spurts water at me from the hose. - one of the writers


So this here encourages a bit of babble.

Web browsing.

--if ask and god wills it.

Am I
caring for our body, mind, ground?



Will return to grandma ann's house this afternoon. Cook something, I bet.

I got a bunch of brussel sprouts. . .

Will read a bit.

May post this--may get on inet to see something about tire order.


May try to get _SRK's divine play_ so I could check it out and not miss it.

Will I weights, swim?



Now focusing on small, base virtue of learning to eat mindfully, amounts that will stay in stomach.

This is aided by sitting and by doing the 7 laws yoga--

And by cultivating that connection with a different level of joy, being focus--

represented by ramakrishna's samadhi,
by Aurobindo's Soul.

Rather than the focus on the sense joy of a full stomach and on the pleasure of chewing, swallowing.

Succeeding there reduced the disruption, limitation overeating has been giving me.

Succeeding means more freedom of thought and attention,

more "transparency to the divine"

More guiding from "soul"


Practicing constant gratitude--

protects me--


All this can enable larger virtue.


what that would be?


Sunday, November 4, 2007

Ramakrishna, MEChA, Sergio

07-11-4 9:32

buenos días

Woke, posted, sent an email--not what I drafted here. Short--something along the lines of

[reporting emails like this seems to show no love. But I leave it here. Maybe because love is not this analytical?]

"I'm challenged by your love, freedom, and enthusiasm.

I'd like to keep in touch --beyond the dream/psychic realm-- let me know if you have ideas how to do this-

If you'd like the challenge you gave me of trying to say who you are, go ahead--


That was the essence.

[an insight in writing that was to just appreciate.]

Then I went to borrow friend's camera.

I ate breakfast--1cu brown rice cooked.

Then was overcome by tiredness and rested-- this was due partly to overloading with peanuts.

Ate some lentils.

I got moving again and got to taking the pictures of garden and other things.

Got ready to go--prepared not to return till Monday in case I wanted to stay away.

Left--at friend's at 1230 or so- returned camera-said goodbye--she's gone for a week.

To campus--planted jerusalem artichoke on way.

Not 100% sure what to do--but went to library to read more Aurobindo.

Before that, went to try to do a mass upload of photos--no luck--. 1+ hours spent computer fiddling.

Began with Aurobindo.


Read books on Sri Ramakrishna.

530pm: swam.

610 or so: began yoga/ sitting.

Did mixed/odd routine. Switched to arc dance room.

Ballet, Sergio.

8:30 or so, left.

Found place to sleep.

2am-awakened by sprinklers. (got wet--I had thought this might happen).

Sat it out, but they came on again, so I moved.

Much time just resting and being where I was. . . with whatever sensations were there.

Woke at 615 (clock turned back, mine said 715)--

Went to head across highway--but found food before then--

leftovers from a conference the day before.

Ate a lot of refried beans, salsa verde, a few greasy tortillas with beef (?) rolled inside.

Did eat too much, but was watching. And did end up spitting out some excess.

Not sure what to do next.

Came here (warm classroom) to sit.

800-915 sat.

Read something I picked up on the conference:

37th Annual High School Conference by the M.E.Ch.A. de SDSU.

It is very good, very activist, provoking. I'm glad to have come across this folder that was left out--with the program.

"More money for books and education
not war and occupation.

Books are our bullets."


The peanut binge did get to me--not horribly--but in many ways just on edge of being more ugly--a sort of metabolic shock (the a.m. tiredness), a beginning of acid stomach, later in afternoon.

No other significant mindlessness, till finding the leftover food in the morning.

While eating, and later during sitting, I considered the mindless eating more.

Looking around to find a way to upload garden photos verged on Internet mindlessness.

I was working on checking in on:
Am I caring for our body, our mind, our background quality, while doing that, though, so it didn't go too far.


Taking photos created a sort of mindfulness--it makes me look at least once a month at places and in ways I do not usually look.

Reading Aurobindo:
"The Evolution of the Spiritual Man" chapter in _The Life Divine_--is addressing the kind of question I have now--

What is the difference between the mental and the spiritual.

I only read a little, and slowly, and it felt rich.

the Kheper site pointed me to the last 4 chapters of this massive tome. Thank you.

Then I got to napping.

Woke, then looked at Ramakrishna books.

I had picked them up thinking "Ramana Maharshi"--but this was not that--

I got to reading _Sri Ramakrishna and his divine play_ (2003--the English translation--, Swami Chetananda, Translator).


In a picture of him in his trance state (what is the word they use?), I saw what I knew once.

I know that, you.

I love reading his story. I want to go read more when library opens.


This was new behavior:

I managed to check in with body--am I caring for our body?

And put down the book, and jogged over to the pool before it closed.

Previously--all seeker--I would have carried book to 24 hour room and stayed there reading.

Aurobindo, Adi Da, and Ramakrishna, and sitting--

all helped me to stop the mental seeking in the reading of that book--

and to return to the body needing care.


When I sat or swam or at some point later I got to consider my mindlessness with respect to food quantities and to eating.


What I saw:

If I were more connected to what Ramakrishna's photo showed me--

I would be tuned into that--not to the less helpful feeling of a full stomach or of enjoying chewing, eating.

I could still enjoy the eating--
but I would first be tuned into that joy state--

And, like I said before, I wouldn't want to sabotage access to that state by effects of eating too much.


I think a new stage or step for me would be to stop eating "early"

And if there were cooked leftovers around--to not be distracted by them.

Well, I'll be watching this more.

The eating, for the most part, only in morning and evening is working well for me and my teeth.

This morning I did eat too much too quickly--but not as much or as fast as at earlier times.


I am noticing that there is a thinking going on:

I won't always be able to eat all the fresh figs, so why not do so now?

I won't always be able to eat all these leftover beans and green salsa, why not do so now?


The focus there is on the pleasure of eating and of a full stomach, not on the kind of state Ramakrishna's picture represents to me.


Another occurrence was Sergio, a janitor at the ARC (aztec rec ctr), being very enthusiastic and encouraging about my yoga practice/meditating/ Spanish efforts.

He ended by saying "You are my teacher now."

I see what he is saying--

I see how others [and how he--how everyone--"everyone is a guru, only some realize that"] do that for me.

I see how by what I do I can have that effect on others who are less openly loving, enthusiastic than Sergio, than the woman who I called earlier this week.

And others share similar feelings--like Hale.

What is a bit new is how to respond or not. Well, earlier this week the question was how [and whether] to respond by email. Now how to respond in person.

Eventually I had to just be silent, and smile and share the lotus palms--

And people get that gesture, silent, positive, caring (?).


I've noticed though, after reading about Ramakrishna--

it's hard not to wonder what he would do--


This morning, sitting, I got to a sort of devotion on him--

And I can see how that may be another path,

But maybe not the one to the kind of thing I noticed--was it Wednesday?


There is an element though--obvious to me, to you--where I have a lot of polishing to do--

or major remodeling--

all this is evidence--

It seems to be organic--growing, or like learning to dance--using construction metaphors is not so good.

You grow, get into new situations, must learn new approaches to those new situations.

In Ramakrishna, you can see how his life (or whatever) channelled him so he is eons beyond where I may be in relating to others lovingly, positively.


That, though, is where I am excited--

If I can show I can transform--

odd as I am,

there are others who can see by my example that they can too.



I got a bit hung up in my sitting last night on wanting to change the name of the blog where I've been posting these.

It seems that at some point the blog may have to go--due to how attached my mind is to it.

But, as I study more in the yoga/ hindu/vedantic tradition,

and am no longer just a reaction to Wilber / Cohen--

"Already Enlightened" doesn't express what I like.

It seems I will need a name that does not refer to anything but itself--

So maybe I'll make the name J9k.

In the intro put:

"j9k is short and easy to type and refers only to this."

Sounds good.


Read more about Ramakrishna, more by Sri Aurobindo.

Swim, yoga, weights.

Maybe I'll get across the highway tonight.

It is interesting to me that I'm making that such a barrier to myself.

But--I was so sensitive last night--after yoga, sitting, --

Even the few cars driving by--especially when one had to wait for me crossing an intersection--

Well, I don't know.

"Wow--what tension. And that is always there at times like this--"


my sitting, except for Friday's, has not been approaching that of Wednesday. But the point, some say, is just to be there with whatever is there.

Maybe if I did not get to reading Ramakrishna the sitting would be more pure.

Aurobindo seems to keep me on it.

(on this spirit/soul/background quality--what is beyond mind--when the chain of sensations, thoughts, ceases, gaps)

But reading Ramakrishna, at least yesterday, was so wonderful--

There are different qualities having different effects here--

see above