sankalpas, god's will

2007-11-07-0421
REVIEW OF DAY
I posted, then did stuff on net for a while. Till 940?

That was it in the computer until 3pm.

I was not sure what to do.

Set up a spot outside and just sat there.--First, eating, looking at paper.

Then, not knowing what to do, just sat.

Then, took a nap, looked at clouds.

Eventually I got to asking repeatedly, "what is god's will?"

Here's something related to that:

http://www.kheper.net/topics/gurus/eastern_gurus_in_the_west.html

Gurus and God

A few comments about Gurus and God.

Gurus coming from the Eastern (Indian) traditions always talk about God (even those who do not claim to be God). Misunderstandings can arise here though because in the word "God" is generally used by most Indian-based Guru-movements - e.g. Muktananda's Siddha Yoga, Guru Maharaji's "Divine Light Mission", Rajneesh/Osho, Sri Chimnoy, Swami Satchidananda, Sri Sri Aandamurti's "Ananda Marga", Satya Sai Baba, etc - to designate an impersonal Absolute Reality synonymous with one's inner being (Atman), rather than a supernatural Creator in the Theistic sense.

Well I thought I had an answer, eventually-- sort of by asking yes no questions:

Tomorrow (or asap): walk across highway with a respirator in a light-colored robe.

I had other answers.

--
It seems I'm not, at this point, planning to follow them--another was, "eat only what fits in pot 2x/day."

I did, however, get as far as looking into how to make the robe.

Here's one I did try, with some success [I used a sheet I got from the thrift store which I was thinking of wearing and going on alms round in La Jolla]:

I was a novice monk and had lots of trouble putting on the robes.I will try my best to help.

1.For the 'skirt',wear it like the Indian sarong.This is the easy one.

2.For the robe to wrap round the body;from the edge of the robe,fold six folds of about 15cm.

3.With the left hand holding the edge of the robe (with the folds) and the right hand holding the edge without the fold,put the robe over the shoulder.

4.The right hand then moved the robe around the neck and tuck in the robe over the left shoulder.

5.With the left hand still holding the edge with the folds,flick and reverse the robe over the left shoulder.

My description might sounds confusing,but give it a try.

Here's another:

Meanwhile, here's the monk's robe pattern.

Measure the person across the shoulders and down the arms about four inches. That's measurement A. Measure him from nape to heel. That's B.

Secure four pieces of cloth (linen or wool are good) measuring A by B. Piece 1 is the back, pieces 2 and 3 are the fronts.

Divide piece 4 in three crosswise, so that you have three pieces A x B/3. These will be the sleeves and hood.

Attach 2 and 3 to 1 at the shoulders, leaving a reasonable amount of the center of 1 unsewn to provide enough neck room (a quick basting and try-on will help here). There will be lots of overlap in the fronts.

Fold each sleeve piece to find the center; match that to the shoulder seam; sew the sleeve on. Repeat. Sew the side seams.

Take the last third of piece 4, fold it in half, seam it on one side. That's the back of the hood, and is matched to the center back. Sew the bottom edge of the hood to the neckline part of the back and as far along the fronts as it will extend. This makes a very deep hood.

Hem the edges, unless you started with wool and fulled it in the washing machine, in which case you have a very *warm* habit whose edges are felted and don't need hemming.

Use a length of thick cotton rope for a belt.

I did, also, at some point, request _Sri Ramakrishna and his divine play_ from the library--san diego public--, to have it delivered to local branch.

Not speaking to grandma ann in response to any unpositive thing she says seems to be a good thing to do. It has been far better than engaging in any way. She tries to bait, in a way [By saying untrue/derogatory things, probably assuming I will correct her/protest].

0433

So the monk's robe fun was around 4pm, and I got to cooking, eating, reading soon after that.

I got into the whole overeating, inside reading cycle again. Reeating.

But the "over" part was mostly squash and sweet potato, which is benign, somewhat, as these things go, compared to something like peanuts.

--

Part of this was a desire for a definite escape from self.

Another was boredom with routine??

Do something to mess up routine,

to totally forget self?



HERE'S A KEY:

I sat yesterday mid-morning from a desire not to wonder, not to make choices, to be choiceless, to have a quiet mind.

I read, ate, for the same reason?

When reading, eating, I don't question the activity?

It is a kind of choiceless awareness--

or unawareness--


---------


Some of the reading was very important in a certain scheme of things:

"Go into solitude and shut yourself in a cave. Peace is not there. Peace is where faith is, for faith is the root of all."

http://www.kheper.net/topics/gurus/Ramakrishna.html

1827
"Master if you had not come today, I would have concluded that you had not attained that supreme state of knowledge where praise and blame are equal, and that you could not be called a truly illumined soul."

1833
"Stop that. Why talk of sin? He who repeatedly says, 'I am a worm, I am a worm,' becomes a worm. He, who thinks, 'I am free,' becomes free. Always have that positive attitude that you are free, and no sin will cling to you."'

and

Ramakrishna Monastery in San Diego
Monastery
1440 Upas Street
San Diego, CA 92103-5129
Phone: (619) 291-9377
Email: sandiego@vedanta.org

Visitors are welcome for scheduled activities. For all other visits, please call ahead.

Vespers daily at 6:00pm
0441

Here, I managed to de-wilber (or post-wilber) myself in a way by reading this and related stuff by Kaslev (on the kheper site).

http://www.integralworld.net/index.html?kazlev2.html

2238 if you grow (or escape living) by reading Wilber,
then grow again by reading Kaslev^^.

So, I probably will update my facebook profile at some point. Thank you Kaslev.

0444

and I was also reading this on Ramana Maharshi:

jd: In a sense that is how he lived his whole life. He basically let his whole life happen.

http://davidgodman.org/rteach/jd6.shtml

In a way his whole life was a living example of total surrender to 'life taking its course'.

2347

DG: I think the key word to understanding Bhagavan's [Maharshi's] behaviour is a Sanskrit term, sankalpa, which means 'will' or 'intention'. It means the resolve to follow a particular course of action or a decision to do something. That is a sankalpa. Bhagavan has said that this is what separates the enlightened being from the unenlightened.

He said unenlightened people are always full of sankalpas, full of decisions about what they're going to do next: how they are going to plan their lives; how they are going to change their current circumstances to benefit themselves the most in the long or the short-term future.

Bhagavan maintained that the true jnani has no desire whatsoever to accomplish anything in this world. Nothing arises in him that says, 'I must do this, I must be like this'.

2347

0022
http://davidgodman.org/rteach/jd3.shtml

Bhagavan himself said he never felt that he was a Guru in a Guru-disciple relationship with anyone. His public position was that he didn't have any disciples at all because, he said, from the perspective of the Self there was no one who was different or separate from him. Being the Self and knowing that the Self alone exists, he knew that there were no unenlightened people who needed to be enlightened. He said he only ever saw enlightened people around him.

0040
Sooner or later even the dimmest of bulls will understand that, since there is a perpetual supply of tasty food in the stable, there is no point wandering around outside, because that always leads to sufferings and punishments. Even though the stable door is always open, the bull will eventually stay inside and enjoy the food that is always there. This is self-enquiry.

http://davidgodman.org/rteach/jd4.shtml

Bhagavan said that the way of restraint was the way of the yogi. Yogis try to achieve restraint by forcing the mind to be still. Self-enquiry gives the mind the option of wandering wherever it wants to, and it achieves its success by gently persuading the mind that it will always be happier staying at home.

0446

So, those were some of the highlights of last night/early this morning.

I woke--the dream was a submarine battle in which the submarines were fighting to kill each other, but it was also like a team scrimmages--we were all on the same side. I was trying to get us to stop.

And went outside to find an opossum climbing up the scaffolding. . . or running away from doing that.

--

I am practicing being nice to animals.

So imagined how scared it might be, how its heart might be beating. (it could not run all the way away, so I could go up close, and did, briefly, when these thoughts occurred, and I decided to back off.).


I don't want to do anything to it anyways.


NOW WHAT??

I don't know.

No plan.

Not even to follow god's word.

I don't want to walk across that highway--

or follow whatever that game is I was playing.

So I won't ask "what is god's will?" any more?

Oh I don't know.


2pm: help leslie, "your enchanted gardener," load up for a display he's doing downtown. He's a guy in the neighborhood with a curezone blog etc. And a sort of community house.


--

I may go swim after this and get to sitting and yoga. I don't know.


MINDFULNESS:
Much of the morning,
learning to turn sheet into monk's robe.

MINDLESSNESS:
Much of the evening.

INSIGHTS?


----------------------

What now? Seriously.

I think things would happen from getting respirator, wearing robe, walking across highway, that would at least be different from my usual routine.

All that is left, really, is to get a respirator.

Maybe I will.

It seems that I only need to walk across once or twice, not the long, repeated thing I was imagining earlier.

---

And then I'll get to meditate again on "what is god's will?"

?

I don't know.

Maharshi's story (as I was reading it--see above links) is somewhat sobering. [not referring to the part I quoted, but to how a guy who did not want/intend to be idolized was idolized.]

Peace,
Colin

Bhagavan maintained that the true jnani has no desire whatsoever to accomplish anything in this world. Nothing arises in him that says, 'I must do this, I must be like this'.