Sunday, November 4, 2007

Ramakrishna, MEChA, Sergio

07-11-4 9:32

buenos días

Woke, posted, sent an email--not what I drafted here. Short--something along the lines of

[reporting emails like this seems to show no love. But I leave it here. Maybe because love is not this analytical?]

"I'm challenged by your love, freedom, and enthusiasm.

I'd like to keep in touch --beyond the dream/psychic realm-- let me know if you have ideas how to do this-

If you'd like the challenge you gave me of trying to say who you are, go ahead--


That was the essence.

[an insight in writing that was to just appreciate.]

Then I went to borrow friend's camera.

I ate breakfast--1cu brown rice cooked.

Then was overcome by tiredness and rested-- this was due partly to overloading with peanuts.

Ate some lentils.

I got moving again and got to taking the pictures of garden and other things.

Got ready to go--prepared not to return till Monday in case I wanted to stay away.

Left--at friend's at 1230 or so- returned camera-said goodbye--she's gone for a week.

To campus--planted jerusalem artichoke on way.

Not 100% sure what to do--but went to library to read more Aurobindo.

Before that, went to try to do a mass upload of photos--no luck--. 1+ hours spent computer fiddling.

Began with Aurobindo.


Read books on Sri Ramakrishna.

530pm: swam.

610 or so: began yoga/ sitting.

Did mixed/odd routine. Switched to arc dance room.

Ballet, Sergio.

8:30 or so, left.

Found place to sleep.

2am-awakened by sprinklers. (got wet--I had thought this might happen).

Sat it out, but they came on again, so I moved.

Much time just resting and being where I was. . . with whatever sensations were there.

Woke at 615 (clock turned back, mine said 715)--

Went to head across highway--but found food before then--

leftovers from a conference the day before.

Ate a lot of refried beans, salsa verde, a few greasy tortillas with beef (?) rolled inside.

Did eat too much, but was watching. And did end up spitting out some excess.

Not sure what to do next.

Came here (warm classroom) to sit.

800-915 sat.

Read something I picked up on the conference:

37th Annual High School Conference by the M.E.Ch.A. de SDSU.

It is very good, very activist, provoking. I'm glad to have come across this folder that was left out--with the program.

"More money for books and education
not war and occupation.

Books are our bullets."


The peanut binge did get to me--not horribly--but in many ways just on edge of being more ugly--a sort of metabolic shock (the a.m. tiredness), a beginning of acid stomach, later in afternoon.

No other significant mindlessness, till finding the leftover food in the morning.

While eating, and later during sitting, I considered the mindless eating more.

Looking around to find a way to upload garden photos verged on Internet mindlessness.

I was working on checking in on:
Am I caring for our body, our mind, our background quality, while doing that, though, so it didn't go too far.


Taking photos created a sort of mindfulness--it makes me look at least once a month at places and in ways I do not usually look.

Reading Aurobindo:
"The Evolution of the Spiritual Man" chapter in _The Life Divine_--is addressing the kind of question I have now--

What is the difference between the mental and the spiritual.

I only read a little, and slowly, and it felt rich.

the Kheper site pointed me to the last 4 chapters of this massive tome. Thank you.

Then I got to napping.

Woke, then looked at Ramakrishna books.

I had picked them up thinking "Ramana Maharshi"--but this was not that--

I got to reading _Sri Ramakrishna and his divine play_ (2003--the English translation--, Swami Chetananda, Translator).


In a picture of him in his trance state (what is the word they use?), I saw what I knew once.

I know that, you.

I love reading his story. I want to go read more when library opens.


This was new behavior:

I managed to check in with body--am I caring for our body?

And put down the book, and jogged over to the pool before it closed.

Previously--all seeker--I would have carried book to 24 hour room and stayed there reading.

Aurobindo, Adi Da, and Ramakrishna, and sitting--

all helped me to stop the mental seeking in the reading of that book--

and to return to the body needing care.


When I sat or swam or at some point later I got to consider my mindlessness with respect to food quantities and to eating.


What I saw:

If I were more connected to what Ramakrishna's photo showed me--

I would be tuned into that--not to the less helpful feeling of a full stomach or of enjoying chewing, eating.

I could still enjoy the eating--
but I would first be tuned into that joy state--

And, like I said before, I wouldn't want to sabotage access to that state by effects of eating too much.


I think a new stage or step for me would be to stop eating "early"

And if there were cooked leftovers around--to not be distracted by them.

Well, I'll be watching this more.

The eating, for the most part, only in morning and evening is working well for me and my teeth.

This morning I did eat too much too quickly--but not as much or as fast as at earlier times.


I am noticing that there is a thinking going on:

I won't always be able to eat all the fresh figs, so why not do so now?

I won't always be able to eat all these leftover beans and green salsa, why not do so now?


The focus there is on the pleasure of eating and of a full stomach, not on the kind of state Ramakrishna's picture represents to me.


Another occurrence was Sergio, a janitor at the ARC (aztec rec ctr), being very enthusiastic and encouraging about my yoga practice/meditating/ Spanish efforts.

He ended by saying "You are my teacher now."

I see what he is saying--

I see how others [and how he--how everyone--"everyone is a guru, only some realize that"] do that for me.

I see how by what I do I can have that effect on others who are less openly loving, enthusiastic than Sergio, than the woman who I called earlier this week.

And others share similar feelings--like Hale.

What is a bit new is how to respond or not. Well, earlier this week the question was how [and whether] to respond by email. Now how to respond in person.

Eventually I had to just be silent, and smile and share the lotus palms--

And people get that gesture, silent, positive, caring (?).


I've noticed though, after reading about Ramakrishna--

it's hard not to wonder what he would do--


This morning, sitting, I got to a sort of devotion on him--

And I can see how that may be another path,

But maybe not the one to the kind of thing I noticed--was it Wednesday?


There is an element though--obvious to me, to you--where I have a lot of polishing to do--

or major remodeling--

all this is evidence--

It seems to be organic--growing, or like learning to dance--using construction metaphors is not so good.

You grow, get into new situations, must learn new approaches to those new situations.

In Ramakrishna, you can see how his life (or whatever) channelled him so he is eons beyond where I may be in relating to others lovingly, positively.


That, though, is where I am excited--

If I can show I can transform--

odd as I am,

there are others who can see by my example that they can too.



I got a bit hung up in my sitting last night on wanting to change the name of the blog where I've been posting these.

It seems that at some point the blog may have to go--due to how attached my mind is to it.

But, as I study more in the yoga/ hindu/vedantic tradition,

and am no longer just a reaction to Wilber / Cohen--

"Already Enlightened" doesn't express what I like.

It seems I will need a name that does not refer to anything but itself--

So maybe I'll make the name J9k.

In the intro put:

"j9k is short and easy to type and refers only to this."

Sounds good.


Read more about Ramakrishna, more by Sri Aurobindo.

Swim, yoga, weights.

Maybe I'll get across the highway tonight.

It is interesting to me that I'm making that such a barrier to myself.

But--I was so sensitive last night--after yoga, sitting, --

Even the few cars driving by--especially when one had to wait for me crossing an intersection--

Well, I don't know.

"Wow--what tension. And that is always there at times like this--"


my sitting, except for Friday's, has not been approaching that of Wednesday. But the point, some say, is just to be there with whatever is there.

Maybe if I did not get to reading Ramakrishna the sitting would be more pure.

Aurobindo seems to keep me on it.

(on this spirit/soul/background quality--what is beyond mind--when the chain of sensations, thoughts, ceases, gaps)

But reading Ramakrishna, at least yesterday, was so wonderful--

There are different qualities having different effects here--

see above


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