Thursday, October 11, 2007

stay where you are, and thought cycling

Today began not well because I did eat too much last night. I got out of  the house (after looking at paper) early and visited two fig trees on way to park where I sat. For a long time, and broke it up with some walking back and forth forest monk style.

After getting through bad feelings (physical), then got some insight.

The main thing is, I can stay where I am and practice the renunciation that is what I would be seeking by going elsewhere.

I can renounce:

Sleeping inside

Cooking  with microwave or  gas stove (only  cook with fire)

Using lights to read late at night at  home.

Those are the main things--and will help me renounce:

Reading newspaper (the reading/eating combo is the main issue--when not eating I don't dwell on the paper)

So--this was a wonderful, freeing realization, and I sat so long enjoying that peace, being serenaded by a nearby lawn crew performing with weedeater, lawnmower, leafblower, small chainsaw. Eventually, for a change, I left and wandered to a vista overlooking university ave traffic.

Later I moved to shaded sloped iceplant in a nearby canyon.

Partly because I knew I'd be writing later, my thoughts were cycling, stuck, about what I might say now, and thoughts were attempting to refine the idea more.

I began breath counting, to sixty, in sets of 3 x twenty.

Eventually I went to eat more figs and got back to the house around 1pm.

So, Following through,

I have my sleeping bag and will spend the night outside. I am under electric lights now, but I'm on campus, not at home.

My plan is to cook my main meal in the middle of the day--rice and lentils (and other things), tomorrow, over  my hobo stove, either in the back patio area or on a grill in a park.

So, if I keep this up, that will help me have the better eating habits I have had while in the forest while here in the city.

And, if needing things to do, I can work on getting rid of things I have at grandma ann's house.

That's the main news.

The other part was thought cycling, which I haven't totally learned to deal with well. Why does mind rehash something it does not really need to return to?

Good parts of the day: I swam and did weights in the evening. It's a good sign to be doing weights.

Effects of earlier immoderation are fading.

It will be curious to see what happens now.

And I have valued having my friend in the neighborhood to visit. And other friends I see on campus, however odd, however we misfit. I sort of still want to head off to La Jolla to be near the UCSD crowd for a change.

Sorry to be so general.

I'm feeling I'm finally learning to relax into retirement, into life.

I arrived in SD and eventually set out to accomplish something--that was school, academic.

Stopping that, I was into the garden.

Then I was working on "walking sangha".

And now I've found I don't need to go anywhere or do anything. . .

Eventually, if this works out, I will be at home anywhere, and I can just walk down the road to La Jolla or elsewhere, and my life may be more or less the same and good.


Mindlessness, harmful variety, today and last night all was eating, maybe briefly newspaper, too. Today I ate more figs than would stay in me both times-- (but that is not such a bad thing, why? I won't elaborate on right now)

Mindfulness--exercising that much of the rest of the time.

Openness to (having an) organizing principle? Got focused on beginning to clean out and clean up my accumulated stuff at Gann's house. I realize I could turn getting rid of stuff into a long, drawn-out project. Just give it away or try to get money?

But while enjoying morning post-realization peace, thought I might be able to spend lots of time every day sitting, walking, being like that. There really may be no reason to focus excessively on removing stuff--

in the long run, having no stuff there or anywhere should make me more free to follow organizing whimsy/principle wherever.

I also thought maybe I could relax into planting more food plants--

I'll probably go visit the guava tree before finding a spot to
take rest.

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