Monday, October 15, 2007


Nothing much happened today. I got up, swam, did weights, sat in the park a bit, but machine noise (sewer work) was eventually too much, tried another location, visited fig tree, ate too many, sat / rested in new spot for long time, went to library, waited for it to open while police helicopter flew around telling us who it was looking for, looked at books in library, came home, overwhelmed by kitty litter perfume or something, not sure how to deal with that--should I leave?, etc.--calming down, going back inside, it is not so bad, and I'm camped out outside anyways.

Cooked up pot, enjoyed making, tending fire, watching smoke.

Began looking at a Kabat-Zinn book I got from library. Went to visit friend to take break from chainsaw noise. She has become happy with moving away. Me, a bit taken aback considering the possibility. Ate dinner, finished looking through K-Z. Beginning this. Eating raw oats--then knowing how bad that is--put some in microwave. . .

So, now?

Harmful mindlessness: fig eating, oat eating.

Wonderful mindfulness: wanting to stay away from house all day and doing so, even though I hadn't thought about it. Cooking dinner early. Sitting in new spot in previous no-man's land. Mindfulness, sitting with excessive noise: sewer truck, police copter, chainsaw. Moving through Grandma-Ann kitty litter perfume resentment. Moving through possibility of friend moving sadness (or was it just escape?). Kabat-Zinn has good pointers. Suggests to not write about meditating. Has written much on mindfulness.

Insights? A day of really doing nothing. No grand meditative visions. Just being in the neighborhood with its people and machines.

Some concern about me staying here, isolated, with a grandma.

Maybe I should look more deeply into the truth that the only reason I'm here is that I can live here free--is that a good reason?

When I can't live here, future that most appeals is just to not have a home.

Now, those thoughts are there. But I am more and more spending time just being where I am, not doing.

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