way of nature

07-10-13 19:43

I'm in Grandma Ann's backyard.
20:09
And in that time ate a pot I cooked on the hobostove.

So-mindfulness, mindlessness, insights?

Woke up in drizzle and walked to the further away fig trees, not optimistic, but got some prime ones.

I was somewhat mindful eating these, and as it happened, there were not enough to eat too much of by much.

Then went to warm, empty classroom and sat.

Then rested, then sat, then was peaceful enough to read more of _The Varieties of Religious Experience_ (VRE)

The Saintliness chapter. Which is perfect for the kinds of concerns I have now.

He quotes St. John of the cross--

I want to spend more time with those pointings.

A rough summary from memory: do the opposite of what you are inclined to do.

--And for a moment, I was ready to go to the monasteries--Deer Park, Metta Forest. When I feel that way, though, I am at peace enough, I almost feel no reason to leave.

I swam later, did weights, walked back here, stopped by friend's house, once home read paper and looked a book by John P. Milton that had arrived.

Then cooked dinner over hobostove.

Before all that and in the past three days, I've been eating figs and guavas.

I wasn't sure I'd keep true to my renunciation of gas stove and microwave, but so far so good. And the hardest night cooking over a fire is always the first. It requires more patience (leads to good habit), and often a waiting for even more time letting coals, heat, cook the pot more thoroughly.

So, continuing, today no serious harmful times of mindlessness--and more space for mindfulness.

Insights:

In considering my desire to help people--I considered who has helped me the most.

Tom. The people who have spurred me to new ways of being. Tom, of NYC Ishmael, slept on the floor of a friend's house, did not pay health insurance, and was an activist with RAN (rainforest action network).

Many others--

And there are those who do this on the cultural level-- such as the quakers mentioned in VRE who ended the custom of bowing and doffing hats to people.

Insights: Jealousy/ mocking when reading John P. Milton.

Why?

He has done what I wish to do.

I don't understand why I have this gut mocking reflex to people who are more accomplished than I--often in the very way I want to be. (Not true for TNH, though, so there seems to be some distinction the feeling is making.)

I can react differently--the negative doesn't help me.
20:49
No immediate action plans.